So say goodbye....

It's Independence Day, all girls must run away.

Well it's boys really but you get my drift.

I can't go to a Springsteen concert without thinking of dad. I'm not going to go all mushy or anything just cos its Father's Day. But it's true. I first heard Dancing in the dark when I was 14. I remember dancing round the kitchen to it, and my dad walked in. I wanted to impress him with the music I liked as he was well into his music and I asked his opinion. He said ' yeah, it's ok, but really you need to listen to his earlier stuff'. Ok. Well he died a few days later. I became obsessed with getting everything I could by Bruce to listen to. And yeah I was probably really was obsessed, but you do what you have to to cope.

By a happy coincidence it led to me being  introduced to my husband 4 years later. He was sceptical when my colleague told him I was a Springsteen fan, but I put all doubts aside by naming all of his songs in chronological order. I did say I was obsessed. We went to see him at wembley in the summer of 2008, perhaps cementing out relationship (or maybe that was sex, dunno :-D)))

When I got that tickets for that one we were working together but no one was allowed to know, workplace policy and all that. Well he phone me to say thank you, but it wasn't me who answered my phone, so what poor Lesley thought when he told he he loved her and did a big kiss to her down the phone I don't know. She never said a word :-D

So yeah, went last night, was bloody ace, I always feel like I'm coming home when I go to one of his gigs. And I have another in two weeks. Happy days Amanda.

So, you ask running? Not bad.

Tuesday was Elvis at Harrow Lodge. Did the course in jan as a parkrun. Was bloody cross country it was so muddy and was 24.20 or something. Wasn't really looking forward to it. But, cycled there (I love when I can do that, I am aspiring to be Jenny who cycles much further than me to races) and lined up feeling ok having a few words with B who congratulated me on Southend half. Nice :) 

Started like a rocket which is my only setting really, over really sapping tufty grass, I hated that but head down grit teeth. There is some Tarmac but not much, it was a real case of just digging in and wishing it over. A couple of girls from Eton manor passed me but I was running as best I could. I literally was just hanging on and listening to the supporters shouting people on to know who was behind me, mainly men so ok. 

The last 500m I can hear people urging B on, so now I had to properly find out what I could do, and I did, I beat her and ended the race retching, but made it to the bin :-D 7th female and 21.57, much better effort than before.

Did this and that for the rest of the week, I was really exhausted after that, and then did parkrun Saturday. No amazing result, I was tired and it showed 22.01, but ok and I biked there and back. I am fairly sure these 4 and 5 mile rides will come in bloody handy when I cycle 100 in August......

Then today Kelvedon Hatch 5k a BRR GP race. I was umming and arring all week about whether I should drink at the concert.

Seriously, who am I kidding? Of course I drank, no point in not them tickets cost me 130 quid!

But we were in by 1 and we didn't have to leave the house til 8.45. I felt ok and had good banter on the way with club mates.

When we got there and lots of people were milling round, I thought, ok, I can be first female here. Though the main aim was to be first BRR female. I know! That makes me sound like a twat!

And I think it was after about 200 meters of the start I knew that unless I cocked up badly I would be first female. I didn't relax though because the marshals gave no hint of where I was, which sometimes happens and I know my club mate Vicky will kill herself to beat me :)

I was very happy then to finish in 21.26, and yep First Lady. Vicky got first vet and our first 3 boys got first team. Not a bad day for BRR. The male winner was 16.25!

So yeah, not a bad week really. I will leave you with another Springsteen lyric.

Now some folks are born into a good life, other folks, they just get it any way any how.....

Have you heard.....

About my screams, cos I like a drink and I haven't touched one in weeks....

Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

That's a big fat lie. I keep meaning to lay off it before races and I keep forgetting. Still the curry beer and wine race preparation seems to be doing the trick.

I'll tell you shall I.

Monday went to Bootcamp in Regents Park. The public map must have been upside down cos it took me ages to find them :-D no drink though.

Tuesday was club handicap at barking. I dusted off my road bike to cycle down and remembered that I love it :) had a good run, was 21.26 I think? Whatever I haven't made it any easier for future races I can tell you. Finished higher up the field this time so times were more accurate. No drink though.

Wednesday I was supposed to be at early morning bootcamp but I woke feeling quite exhausted and had to text to say I wouldn't go. Was a good move I feel. Had a quite trying day at work, mainly because I think sometimes you have to be practical about things but explaining that to people who don't want to be is like hitting your head against a brick wall. Went for beer :-D

Thursday did intervals. Like a proper geek I had downloaded a session from garmin connect into my garmin *beams* how brilliant is that.

Set off on 2k warm up, that never seemed to end. After about 3 miles it struck me I hadn't hit the start button. Fucking geek muppet. Turned it on and did it the old fashioned way. Was 8 x 400m I think. I liked it cos I'm strange like that. Went to work all endorphined up, went for big beer :-D

Friday went to lunchtime bootcamp. Was good but really hard. Can't think why. Oh then after work went for beer. And wine. And curry.

But you see, I knew I'd be alright cos Tuesday night my legs said to me, we have more. Put us on the startline Saturday and we will show you.

Who am I to argue. I cycled there because me and my bike are in love. Chatted to j and her dad. She wasn't so good last week as she had a knee niggle, she was still First Lady though, and I expected a race.

We set off and there was one bloke in front of me for about 50m. Then I overtook him, and well I just felt great. I knew I was running well and it felt amazing. 1 mile in 6.36. I've been faster but not often. Halfway in 10.23. Blimey, I've never been that at halfway. Now I know I can PB. Being in the lead is making me keep at it. Yeah, I don't want to be passed. I want this!

And until 4.5k I had it. Then a bloke who has come first there previously overtook me. I had been aware of him for a while and when he went I couldn't stay with him. I had better get a bloody PB now!!!

And I did. 2nd overall. 21.04. Job done. J pulled out on second lap. She'll be back and I will give her a better race :)

That made me consider today. Southend half which I had decided not to do. Russ told me just to do 20k instead. 

So I decided to do it :-D cos I'm not a contrary cow. Oh no!

And I loved it! Out and backs mean you are saying hello to people you know all the way. I had sooo much fun and I felt ace. Much better than last half I ran. That showed in the result 1.38.24 a nice PB.

My club mate V beat me by about 45 seconds in a 10miler the other week. She beat me by 3 today.....though I didn't know til after cos we started in different places, her much further forward than me. Maybe I would've just pushed that bit harder? Dunno.

Anyway V me and C won the third ladies team prize. Dead chuffed to have been part of a prize winning team for my new club for the first time.

Mr Made me roast chicken when I got home.

Happy days.

Oh it's such a perfect day.......

I'm glad I spent it with you.....

By that I mean Lesley, Gerry and Saffers, and all the other people at the Outlaw Half today :)

I have to document how very impressed I am with Lesley. When she entered this race she sorted herself out a training plan, and she bloody stuck with it, through all the shite weather and all the things she was scared of, and today she completed a half ironman. That gets my respect and I had a lump in my throat when she went down the finishing shute. I thought it might be hayfever but I know it wasn't :-D

So a great weekend which started yesterday morning when I raced the second Elvis race at Orion. A tough ish course of 5 miles which I did in 41.20 last year. I know I'm a better runner this year and was pleased to finish in 36.37. B a rival from Ilford passed me about 3 miles in and urged me up a hill which was a really nice thing to do I thought, and shows she knows who I am now, she didn't last year *beams* she did beat me but I am still stronger over 5k. I'm a work in progress.

Anyway my target for the Elvis series is to be in top 10 women in the races I compete in and so I now have a 6th and a 10th. The challenge is on.

Then home for a shower and to pack then up to Nottingham on the train. Once there my iPhone guided me a couple of miles to the hotel. I dumped my stuff and headed to the pub where I had some food and people watched. I am fairly sure the guy who won today was in there with his family eating pasta!

Early to bed and up at 4. I didn't need to be but there were triathletes at the hotel and once they were up and about I was fully awake. Dossed about for a bit then set off to walk to Holme Pierrepoint. Was another couple of miles but very pleasant and I got there about 6.15. Text Lesley and soon enough she and G found me and then got very stressed as Lesley couldn't get into the swim bit. I think there was a bit of jobs worth going on somewhere! Anyway she did just in time and at 6.50 the women's wave set off. 

Me and G went round the lake and were able to stand looking over transition just where Les and Saffers bikes were racked (this was an all your gear on the floor affair, and I think Lesley had actually bought the contents of her flat).

So Saff out first and we we met for the first time as she was trying to get her wetsuit off :-D Les followed shortly after and did amuse me by tearing open a gel and throwing it all over her stuff.....I'm not laughing I always do that, I'm glad I'm not alone :-D anyway, soon enough she was off out.

Me and G went off, got changed into our running gear and then did a pleasant 14k by doing a lap of the run course, with a bridge added in. Chatting about ironman and running in general it was a really nice run. Getting cheered by the kids at the aid station was a bonus. We got back and changed and then went back to transition to wait.

Saff back first with an excellent bike split (good good she's our biker in the full relay). Then we waited for Lesley, who managed to give us a little bit of drama but not too much :) everytime we saw a lady cycle in with a black tri suit we jumped up, then sat down again when it wasn't her. Anyway, she didn't let us down and assured us she felt ok going out on the run.

We then went to the opposite side of the lake where we could sit and see her 4 times potentially. We were able to see Saff come past us once here as well. So we cheered on lots of Outlaws until Lesley passed us for the last time for the loooong run round the lake to the finish. (Oh do I ever remember that!) once she had gone we went back round the lake to the finishing stand to wait. Luckily we had been able to recognise Saff when she went and finished from the other side of the lake.

Met Lesley's mum and dad in the stands and then waited, and cheered all the finishers in. We were delighted to see Lesley finish and it was a good one too!!!

I didn't really have much time after that so we had a quick drink, well, me and G did! I know there will be more celebrating tonight, but I had to get a train back to london. Very tired but a really really nice day.

Was fun watching other people be awesome and I can't wait to go back :)

And miles from where you are,

I lay down on the cold ground, I pray that something picks me up, and sets me down in your warm arms....

It would have been my nans birthday today. There was a time when I was a lot younger than I am now that I knew if everything went wrong I could run to the phone box over the road and do the reverse charges thing and she would tell me what to do. (She lived in london we lived in Devon) And I had to, more than once. I can only imagine how distressing it must have been to have an incoherent child ring you in the middle of the night, but she always told me what to do, or indeed did it for me, and just the sound of her voice was always enough to make me believe that we would be ok.

I was thinking about her today, as is only right. Just how lucky I was to have her and pleased that the sun was shining for her. Whitsun is always her holiday :)

Anyway, this week? 

Work, good yeah, spent some time on an assay that seems to be going well. Need to do a bit more on it this week. If you are a boxer or someone who repeatedly concusses themselves I would quite like some of your CSF. I'm sure I will get hold of something suitable :-D (I'll be in trouble now if Mr H turns up in a & e with head injuries won't I!) but I will make them get a sample.

Running....yeah good too. Did a 3k training session on Tuesday. Basically 400m intervals. It hurt. It's supposed to.

Wednesday, 1st ELVIS race. 5k over eastbrookend country park. A 3 lap trail run. I felt good, it went well. 21.47 and more importantly beating rivals.

Friday, bootcamp in freezing rain. Nice.

Saturday, parkrun. Felt quite flat and tired and J wasn't there. 21.50. Ok.

Sunday, hmp run. 2k wu, 10k 46.54 2k wd.

Today Hatfield Broad Oak 10k. What a lovely race! Felt like everyone in the village was there supporting, a real festival feel. And nearly 1300 runners.

I put myself on the 45 min line and basically went for it. It wasn't flat but no real hills, just up bits. It was hot though, but hey I like hot. I passed a couple of rivals early on and just kept working hard to keep them off. I have my watch on kilometres now so I was clocking them but not really understanding :-D I just knew if I kept the Ks below 4.30 I would PB.

I ended up with 4.26 avg and a nice PB of 44.31. Happy days!

Then a pub lunch with friends who I travelled with. Lovely bank holiday :)

Next ELVIS on Saturday :)))))

I'm so tired I can hardly think, so I'll feel instead,

And let you loose inside my head.....

Oooh. Scary :-D

Heads is very relevant. I spent Monday at a conference listening to really interesting talks about the role of inflammation in Alzheimer's. it's always been there and there have always been argument s about whether it is cause or consequence. Well obviously it's never that simple, but it is proving a very interesting area of research at the moment and I'm involved in some projects looking at just that.

I think one of the most interesting, and worrying things is that events occur so many years before onset of disease. Prevention is where you have to come at it from but well that ain't easy.

Anyway *shakes self* that's enough of that. I was off for the rest of the week. Well nearly all of it. I think I pottered really. In the gym, at home, just stuff. Was nice. I do like my own company and sometimes it's just nice to be quiet.

Thursday I went into town and met my Swedish boss for coffee and a meeting, then went to Hyde Park for a bootcamp. Was great but quite a hard one. I walked back to Tottenham Court Road down Oxford Street.......which gave me enough people contact to last the rest of the week! I got in and faffed about until the club handicap 5k which was held on Barking parkrun course. I've never done one before but it was fun, if hard work. I find it harder to push myself when I'm running sort of alone, but on the other hand you are chasing people so you do have a target. I was happy to finish in 21.31. There are 7 races in the series and I think they will be excellent for training.

I had run there and intended to run home but as I ran out of the park any energy I had left me and I just couldn't run. I had to walk home literally hanging on as I felt really shaky and sick. As I came up the stairs I was shouting for something, anything sweet to eat and Mr H saved my life with some ginger biscuits! Was weird but I guess a hard bootcamp and then a hard 5k was enough to make me bonk :-D

Friday I didn't feel all that good and although I intended to do some work I ended up sleeping most of the day. Maybe I was fighting something off? Don't know. I'm back taking iron whenever I remember now, quite paranoid about it I guess. I have reason to believe I need it.

Saturday is obv parkrun day. I felt ok but wasn't particularly going for anything apart from giving J a race. And I bloody did too! I love that running on each others shoulder thing, it really motivates you and during the last 6 weeks or so I have got to know her a little (she is really shy, and a lot younger than me) and we can laugh at things round the course, like the little old Asian man who walks round the lake with his headphones in singing something or other at the top of his voice :-D 

Anyway, the times were J 21.19 A 21.21. So I PBd and I am not at all unhappy with that.

Then we went and bought a vacuum cleaner. I bet you don't normally read that in blogs do you! I nearly got a dyson ball which costs as much as a house, but then we realised that the tesco voucher thingy doesn't do household electricals this time. Bum!!!! I was soooo excited.

It does however do BBQ equipment so we could get £400 worth of that. How fucking useful would that be, we don't have a fucking garden! I think also we could do baby stuff. Likewise. Huff.

Today was Great Baddow 10. A decent race that I have done 2 times since 2005 with a best of 1.23 or so. I won't lie. I was scared. DNFing last week upset me. Doing it again would be a disaster.

I got a lift down with club mates and that was quite pleasant, all nice people I get on with (that can be important, you want to get to a race relaxed, not having had your head talked off by someone with verbal diarrea, that has happened to me and when I turned on said person and snapped, well, they still talk about that :-D

Proper loos in the portaloos! They were ace and with girly soap and moisturiser too.....how cool is that! I moisturised my arms just cos I could!

Anyway, the race. I can't really tell you much because I ran naked. Yes you heard me, no watch. Call the press! I needed to know I wasn't going to mentally turn on myself if I looked at a mile split and was unhappy. So I ran as I felt. At 5 miles a guy was calling out times. 37.17. Okdk. That sounds alright I thought, keep at it. And I did.

At 8 I heard some familiar heavy breathing behind me. It was my club mate Vicky. Now I maintain, over short stuff I have her, but anything over 10k she is better, even though I have a better half than her. I stopped or slowed for water, she didn't I knew she wouldn't but I needed it, so she overtook me. Fair dos I thought I'm still doing ok, just keep pushing.

I did and I may or may not have just sneaked under 1.16. I don't know because I'm not on the results :( typical isn't it when I didn't wear my watch! But I'm trying to sort it.

I'm now Knackered again, and looking forward to 5k on weds night, the first in the Elvis series. I intend to hammer it!

You can't play on broken strings, you can't feel anything...

That your heart don't want to feel, I can't tell you something that ain't real......

So I can't tell you I was looking forward to today.

I wasn't. I wanted it done, I wanted it over, I wanted to be able to do the things I wanted to do.

So why, why on earth did you enter????

Lets go back to quadzilla shall we. Feb 2012, 4 marathons in 4 days that nearly broke me. I hated a lot of it for lots of reasons. After it I cancelled all my long stuff.

After a think, I decided I did want to do another mara, but properly so I went to see Russ. Russ sorted me out a plan and initially I was targeting JW Ultra. But nothing was going right, 10 minute miles were killing me, stairs would give me palpitations and a 3 mile run needed recovery days.

Aha! I finally thought when anaemia was diagnosed, thank fuck for that. I haven't got really shit, there is something wrong. So I took the tablets and thought about my diet more and from July to October saw my times improve amazingly for short stuff. Meanwhile I opted for the relay at JW and had a blast, well sort of, THAT was blogged about.

So back on track here and I decided I would target a spring mara (though I do think the name should be changed to 'supposedtobespringbutactuallymorefuckingfreezingthanthewinter' mara. And entered Brighton. I don't think I trained well over winter, but I trained and got PBs at everything up to 20 miles. I was happy, but decided to pull out of Brighton. There were reasons for this, but I now can't help feeling that I just didn't want to do a mara? Even I don't know what it thinking most of the time.

But I entered Halstead instead. A month later. Maybe I will get to run in some warm weather in training? Erm, not so much really, but there you go.

I still don't think I'm training that well. I'm loving the short fast interval type stuff, hating everything else. But well I just carried on. Thinking if I can just maintain until the day I will be fine.

And here's the thing, over the last month or so I have actually started to enjoy the longer stuff again. I think I know why. It's because I am getting stronger so I can run longer with less effort, but it was too late, I can now regularly run 5k at sub 7s. No specific training just doing it, I believe this translates up but only slowly and I will run quicker at longer distances......with time.

So today, I will be honest, the start line tingles and nerves weren't there. I felt empty. I started well enough, first 5 between 7.15 and 7.40s. But, my foot hurt on the sole. I only decided to wear flats 2 weeks ago, as my Kinvaras were giving me arch issues. Maybe they were too flat? Anyway I was still ok, but must have started to run different because my calf started to hurt. 

I was still doing ok, but by about 10 was having a new pain in my groin. Nice! I will be honest that worried me more than the other things because it was shooting pain and I had no idea what it was.

I will assume it was connected to the other two things though. Mile 13 came in at 9.10. I knew I was slowing but it really really upset me. I stopped to walk out my calf and it was really here that my race ended. (Third fastest half ever :-d) I knew I couldn't carry on like this. Nonetheless I ran the next 2 miles before my head just said no. Stop now. You are going to hurt yourself and for what? 

So I walked to a Marshall who took me to Mr H.

Race over.

Am I disappointed? Yes. Am I disappointed that I took the decision to stop when I knew I wouldn't acheive my goal? No not really. Shit happens. I've run 63 marathons. I don't need to run anymore if I don't want to.

I have received some lovely texts and tweets so thank you. I have spoken to my best running buddy, who assures me I will be awesome in future.

He's not wrong ;-)

I am now going to concentrate on the ELVIS series and the club handicap and Grand Prix. I also feel very priveliged to have been asked by someone very special to me to help him work towards running a 5k all the way. (Prob cos he thinks I will manage that without DNFing).

My legs are trashed and my calf feels like someone kicked me in it.

I know I did the right thing.

And I'm going to keep seeing Russ who is going to help me get a PROPER 5k time :)))

We were walking, walking in two worlds,

In the garden, of sunlight home, bad children on the phone.....

The first time I heard those lyrics I did a mental double take. I knew where Ash had got that from. They got it from my 14/15 year old life.

You know I love to read yeah. But not so much as I did then. I read that book so many times, in fact I read it every couple of years but I'll never read it like I did the first time when it was a proper escape. When I read it now I remember that me and how overwhelmed with grief and guilt I was and I think thank you books, for taking me away. Thank you dad and teachers for giving me the enthusiasm and thirst for reading I have always had.

I can't imagine not having that and wonder what I'd be without it. Empty? Really good at computer games? Awesome at running :-D

*shakes self* sorry! Bit of musing there, prob cos my last few runs have been with a playlist that includes that song.

Yeah running. Been good actually. Was pleased to hit hmp on Tuesdays run when I needed to and do better than mp on both subsequent runs *high five* I guess I'm as ready as I will ever be given my inherent inability to do what I'm told :-D

Friday I had to do a talk at work, it was ok but I felt bloody awful, but that's what happens isn't it, and I still felt rough at parkrun Saturday. I won't go into details but I was very upset that the loos were locked :( .......

.......and then went and ran 21.32 with my young rival only beating me by 3 seconds. Could I have run that much quicker? Maybe, but I've got my eye on next week. 5 Ks are not important right now.

Still it is a massive confidence boost to know I can do 5ks under 22 even when I don't feel great and think that when I do prepare properly I will fucking fly :-D

And and and, someone I know has been practising run walking 5k. I am very excited about this because I owe some back. Boy do I ever :)))))

And last, but not least, I mentioned reading earlier, when I was very young, Brer Rabbit was one of my fave books!!!!! (Did it, did it!)

I will see you on the other side. Hopefully.