But the fire inside keeps burning burning out....

Walking like a zombie.

I did do that half mara. 1.45.48. I knew, but at least I did it.

Then I went and did the womans 10k in Finsbury Park. 48.47. Blimey.

Then I did VP 5k the next day 23.01. Good god.

That afternoon I swam a k in 4 x 250m segments in the British Gas relay. That was ok, I don't expect to be good at swimming.

I then did nothing for 2 days. Too tired. 

Then I did Grit on Wednesday.

Then I did intervals on Thursday. Rubbish.

Then on Friday I had lots of meetings.

On Saturday I did the Olympic Park 10k 48.09

This morning I did 15 miles to Copped Hall 5 mile. I ran the race in 41.30. I called Chris to get me I was done in I couldn't cycle home.

I'm telling myself this, because I need to.

Boxes....

I've got loads. I have a box for everything. Dyou know what I mean?

Perhaps if I said compartment it would be clearer.

Ever since I can remember it has been this way. I succeeded as a child by separating everything. If I hadn't I wouldn't be here. Sounds quite dramatic I guess but if you were there you would know. I believe my brother has done it so well that's why I haven't heard from him in years. Pity, but I do understand.

Anyway, I can do it with running too. I can be competitive, if you know me you will know that. But, I can also just run. I mean it's not my job. I can train hard, I can also be distracted with life....actually that's rubbish, I can be distracted by a leaf floating past the window!

So yesterday I did the JW Ultra, for I think the 6th time? 4th time the full ultra. I will be honest I have been happy enough doing the relay the last 2 years, and 30 miles is a long way, but during this running career of mine I have made some bloody good friends and none better than the RD of this race. I mean I have run 262 miles with him in the space of 10 days. After that you either kill each other or become firm friends. So when Mr JW said he was going to run this for the first time (as the race, not the first time ever) I didn't really have to think twice.

I spose long runs as training would have helped but really I've been doing other stuff so they didn't happen. Never mind, it is just running.

I wasn't nervous before this, I have been before but that's when I was trying to PB or beat someone else. Today was just about getting from a to b. A being Stratford racecourse, b being Bournville. 

And right, it was fun..... Letting everyone run off and then Trotting behind with the dog. Chatting and catching up. Taking pictures at the viaduct.....

And just having fun.

CP 1 was passed without any drama, but someone mentioned a cut off. I will be honest I can't have read the race notes as I had no idea! Apparently we needed to get to CP2 by 4.5 hours. This sent me into proper stress mode. I don't normally worry about cut offs. So I will admit, during that section I was a bit of a pain in the arse. Sorry Mark!

Anyway, we made it with 3 minutes to spare and then basically walked the last section! My knee was v sore, and no wonder and my foot was painful to put on the floor. Dunno what's up with it, it is swollen today with lots of red spots on it. Maybe I was bitten?

So we finished in just under seven hours, and you know what, that's cool, I spent the day running with my friend, and I'm lucky to be able to do that.

At the end someone asked me if I'm worried that doing that off of no proper training would affect my other races coming up. No, I'm not, that's all in another box.

And that's the way it is.

Meanwhile, I have 2 happy cats. How good is that!

Next weekend I have a half mara. Don't think I will do it, it doesn't mean anything to me and running an average time at it would be pointless. I should go out on my bike and do some hills. Yeah!

How good it was.....

Even if it's over :-}

Did you know the Courteeners are playing Brixton Academy the night before the Winter Ballbuster. Gits! Anyway it's sold out now so I can't waver. I proper like them, that's all ;)

Anyway, I will need to get my gig fix another way. Elbow are playing Hammersmith Apollo next year, maybe I will get me some of them.

So, this weekend just gone I did two Spartan Races with my OCR partner in crime, and it was ace :)

Travelled down to Pippingford Park (note to SpartanRace UK, this is no fucking where near London, in fact I think it is closer to France. There were many French racers there) and met up with my team. We registered with no bother and were given a headband number....how cool! A chip and a wristband that served absolutely no purpose :-D.....except maybe to identify you if you died??? Maybe.

We then trekked back to leave our gear in the car cos the bag drop q was mahoosive! Well, maybe I moaned a bit and someone else took the stuff and I stayed and got a drink :-D

We were due off at 1 but were watching the 12.30 wave go off when I suggested joining it as there was no one stopping you. So we set off. Shortly after this Mark commented that now we prob wouldn't get a time. 

I hadn't thought of that, what if our chips didn't work til 1??? 

I did stress on this the whole race. The goal here is the trifecta medal for doing the Sprint, Super and Beast. We need a time for all of them.

Still we are on the course now. A congested jog/shuffle to the first obstacle. A wall. Over with some help and then some under overs, then off onto the course proper. Lots of mud and water, running up and down hills and steep banks were a big feature. Obstacles were cargo net climb, atlas ball carrying (rolling), monkey bars, parallel bars, ropes, rope pull, slippery wall, sandbag carry, water carry, spear throwing, another wall, crawling under barbed wire and jumping over the fire at the end. Around 7k of running made up the event.

I will admit that a number of the obstacles were beyond me. I can't climb a rope, and I took one look at the monkey bar height and just couldn't (they had to lower them the next day as too many people injured themselves on them) and parallel bars....hmmmm.

But I do aspire to :-D

When you finished you got a big medal, t shirt and vouchers for free stuff including a beer. Nice!

Showering all the mud off was a long arduous task so I won't go into that.

Next day it was same again but with an added 5k and 6 more obstacles. I would've enjoyed this more but for twisting my knee in the mud, a spectacular fail of the parallel bars and being the world biggest wuss whilst doing the log carry through what was a frankly dangerous water obstacle with rocks and logs in the water that you couldn't see :-/ obviously they realised this after we had been through because they roped it off and made the log carry dry land only. My Olympic Rings though were a sight to behold though ;-D

So, sprint and super done, thank you so much to Mr JW without whom I would probably be still trying to get over the first wall.

Just the Beast to go then.

Not been myself since but that is something else entirely. Just a sprint tri next weekend. Let's see how that goes.

Now you might think the world's black or white....

And you're dirty or you're clean,

You better watch out you don't slip,

Down them places in between.

Kind of sums up what I feel about things after this week. Maybe things were better before the internet, before people could comment about things about which they have no idea. That includes me no doubt.

So for various reasons (I'm thinking churning up a muddy lake) this week has left me feeling a bit flat. Not helped I guess by being very tired at the start of the week and my legs feeling crap. I have had a week off from work this week and of course you always imagine training like an elite when that happens. Yeah right, everything I have done has hurt, and left me wondering why I'm doing it. And anyway I had a big race on Saturday night, The Midnight man half iron distance.

This race starts at 6 in the evening, and has a quarter, half and full iron option. I never got my head round full this year but I thought yeah, I will give the half a go.

Let's be honest I never got my head round half either. You know what my bike training has been like. The thing I was most prepared for was the swim. That is saying something.

Still, normally I just plough through regardless.

The race started well for me, I felt confident and comfortable on the swim, I think my new wetsuit was a good investment and I am enjoying ow swimming. Not sure of time but I don't think it was too bad.

Out into transition for a change into socks and a cycle top over mt pirate Monaco. Then out. The bike course was 10 laps. Much of this down and back a dual carriage way, then various twists and turns on a industrial estate to make up the 9k. First lap was ok, working it out, bit rubbish at the turns but ok. Was aware of headwind on dual carriageway, didn't like that but that's the way it was. 2nd lap I'm aware of my knee starting to complain, it didn't do this til around 60 miles last week, come to the headwind bit I'm fighting the pedals round already. That does really hurt.

I tell myself it will get better. At one of the turnarounds the Marshall tells me to smile......this is not normally necessary. Spend lap 3 mulling things over. Spend lap 4 knowing that I won't be able to run off the bike. This would kill me. That's the bit I'm good at. Decide quite calmly really to give up.

And so that was that. Packed up quickly and came home, it was getting dark and cold and I wasn't in the best mood.

Now back to where I started this. It will make sense to me. I think of depression as being a big empty space. A hole inside you. You can fill it in different ways. Traditional ways include drugs and alcohol, however I find these have a risk of making you do things that makes the hole even bigger. There is food too,but I can't say that has ever done it for me. Or you can exercise. That's a good one. Gives you the good tired rather than the anxious brain flitting everywhere tired. But to make you feel really real, I find entering events (and completing them) is by far the best. Everytime you finish one you are saying 'I'm here, look, here I am, I'm solid, I won't fly into a million pieces if you touch me' you can look on the results and see yourself and prove it.

I'm not that bothered by medals and goody bags.

So when I see people saying 'oh I must be mad I've entered...(insert whatever event you like here from 5k to cartwheeling the Alps) I think to myself, really? I'd be mad if I didn't.

So that's it really. I CANT stop entering events. This means taking the risk of what happened last night happening I guess. And then wrapping myself up tight again. Because it's what I do.

What's 14 miles between friends?

So yesterday I did the Ride London 100.

I need to level with you first.

Last year I didn't train, so deferred. In 2014 I'm going to be a bike demon. Yeah, I'll never get off it, I will be so good they'll let me on the Tour de France.

Yeah right! That was bollocks.

I did do one thing though. I bought a bike. Who needs to train when you have a new bike? :-D.

So build up to the Ride 100.

37 or odd miles on a training ride in April or May.

Pru tri, 40k (prob was a bit less)

Blenheim tri- 20k

Cycle to Brentwood 10k and back about 36 miles.

Bridge tri another 40k ish

London tri 20k

I cycled about 12 miles to Hainault and back to do a hill run.

That's it. Tour de France representatives never called.

So for the last couple of weeks I've been a bit concerned. Not least because the good weather we've been having which would be ideal for training in was going to end just in time for this event. Bum!

Thought about pulling out, don't think I could defer again, and anyway I had now already paid twice for this event, so decided I should do it.

Only realised on the weds before I had to go to ExCel to register, then realised I'd lost my form, no bother though, I went on Friday morning and it was really easy. Bought a ride london cycle shirt and event t shirt to make sure I didn't back out :-D I also bought one of them clear rain jacket things, this was the best selling item of the whole expo!!! You had to fight to get near them.

Meanwhile we were getting emails from the organisers warning us about the forecast with lots of advice on precautions.

Saturday got up and did parkrun in what for me is a proper shite time. But it's all I had, need to be more on the speed work for sure. I won't worry though I've been doing lots of other stuff I can't expect it all to be good.

Saturday night I. Got all my stuff together, ate pasta and had an early night. I don't know why, I just couldn't sleep. Cat playing with a golf ball was part of it, and bringing me her squeaky mouse and jumping on it repeatedly. The other was bad dreams. Mainly about getting to the start. I had a map but if you know me you know maps stress me out! 

My alarm was set for 5.30. Wide awake at 4. Got up. Couldn't eat, my stomach was churning too much. Put 3 mini flap jacks and 2 small bags of mini cheddars in my bag. Because that's ace nutrition for a hard days riding innit!

I left about 6 and rode to Goodmayes. Waited for 20 minutes for train cos I always like to be far too early :-D got to Stratford fine, and there were other cyclists on the train too so I also got to the start fine too :)

One thing though, I had seen a tweet which was announcing that the route was to be shortened to 86 miles, removing Box Hill and Leith Hill.

I can only say I was relieved. I'm not one to shy away from a challenge, but I'm not an idiot. Cycling up the hills doesn't scare me, it's down in bad weather that does!

Anyway, after getting chilled at the start by the rain for about 30 minutes we were off, closed roads in London, an actual joy! I had been a bit apprehensive about lots of cyclists near me but it wasn't as bad as I thought. One thing I did note even half a mile from the start was how many punctures were occurring. I prayed I wouldn't get one. I can change an inner tube, but with cold wet hands in the rain I wouldn't relish the prospect.

Anyway, out past the Tower onto Chiswick on way to Richmond park. Not sure where but there was a burst water main somewhere here which meant cycling through floods. Nice.

Richmond park was my worst bit, I hated it, especially when we all had to get off our bikes and walk as the weather was at its worst for about 20 minutes. Soaked to the skin and freezing :-/ I heard it was because of an accident though I saw nothing.

Finally out of there and through lots of flooding now. On the downstroke your foot was submerged in some places. All very slow thought you needed to be quicker to avoid just falling off!

Once out into the Surrey countryside it was nicer. Couple of climbs, I think it wasNewlands corner where I wondered if I would have to walk, plenty were, but no I ground it out. I think it was Dorking where I stopped for a bacon sandwich and a cup of tea which was heaven! 

Then the way back to london, with support in the towns which was ace. I stopped somewhere to take my rain jacket off with about 20 miles to go, so of course 10 minutes later the whole sky fell on us :-D

I was definitely hurting now, quad aching, bum really sore but getting back into London was great and the encouragement up Wimbledon hill was really good. I counted down the miles from 10 to go and continued praying to the God of robust tyres because I really didn't want to stop now.

Seeing the Mall I front of me was pretty special and I grinned all the way down it thinking YES!!! I did it :)

Baggage pick up was easy, though I stopped to chat to D88s who were doing baggage on another truck. Picked up my bag and put my hoody on, then sorted through the goody bafpgwe had been given.....not all that tbh and please stop giving me coconut water. It mings!

I had my bike booked on transport back to QEOP but couldn't be bothered with that, so walked to Victoria and got on the District line which goes all the way to Barking. Then it's a 3 mile ride home. That was harder than the previous 86! If anyone saw me grimacing my way down Longbridge road, that was why.

Am I sad they cut the route? Today maybe, yesterday definitely not. Would I go back to do the full route? Yes.

I had pie for tea. Thundercat keeps biting my knees and Achilles. She's a bitch!

Feeling a bit....

Burnt out, tbh.

Trying to think where I left this....oh yeah, had a triathlon in Dartford. Went really well, well had a bit of a direction problem on the swim but apart from that was good. Did my best Oly time :)

Bumbled  through the next week doing this and that....ie can't remember.....why don't I have a training diary?

Saturday did a parkrun at VP, was ok, sub 22 always the aim, then off to Crossfit in Bethnal Green for first ever try. Loved it, lots of squats, push ups, pull ups and ring dips. My arms were trashed. I going back. Afterwards I tried onmy lovely new wetsuit. How. Fucking. Hard. Was that.

Well, not as hard as getting it off I can tell you!

Then Sunday Horndon on the Hill 10k. A lovely race in an Essex village. Cycled there, around 18 miles all told then ran. Did about 45.14, got third lady. Bonus! Cycled home on trashed legs.

Tuesday saw Russ for some pretty hard PT, which is always good.

Wednesday did LBT at the gym then after work popped to Hyde Park for the aquathlon. Was tired going I know that. Getting changed I broke the zip on my tri suit. And I cried. I bloody cried! Then stomped home :-/ not a good sign for me. 

Still, onwards.

Thursday morning I did an interval session before work, then GRIT class at lunchtime.

I booked Friday off because suddenly it seemed that nothing I wanted could be found because I've been running around too much,I needed a day of life laundry.

Life laundry done we travelled to Dorney Lake on Saturday for the Bananaman tri. I won a place in a draw so why not :)

800m swim, 31.5k bike, 7.5k run.

I was worried about the wetsuit but figuredf I couldn't get it on it was warm enough to swim without. However I needn't have been so het up. Turns out that when I'm not already sweaty and exhausted from racing a 5k and doing a crossfit class it goes on easy! 

And.....

It slipped off pretty damn quick too. It's my slut wetsuit :-D

Bike on the looks of it should be easy. Flat 5k ish loops. 

Bloody isn't cos of the crosswind by the lake, wind is my nemesis, ever since my first ever 20mile run where it made me cry lots. Also my shorts choice was all wrong. I may have mentioned that on face book :-/

Anyway, it got done. Run was good, I've calculated around a 45, 46 minute 10k pace, I can't argue with that. All in all I wasn't unhappy.

Sunday was another 10k. 2 years ago I was First Lady with 45.34. This year I was 6th with 45.29.

Tbh, I was rubbish. At 5k I just lost all speed and suddenly realised how tired I was, my legs just would not turn over any quicker. On a 10k I look for the k splits to be less than 4.30. K 5 was 4 47, k 6 was 5.01. I picked it back up after that but the damage was done. 

Yeah I know I'm racing on tired legs.

Today I had another day off. To cycle to meet friends and then cycle to Epping for the tour. I worried overnight about how much cycling I was up for. I knew today would not be a feel good day for me.

Anyway, I cycled to Abridge, about 8 miles and met my friends and also a other group of cyclist from nearby. We had some drinks at the cafe. I realised why I'm not part of a cycling club, or that I am just the most grumpy antisocial person ever, one of those.

We set off from the cafe on what was to be a very circuitous route to where we would watch the tour. I realised almost immediately my legs had nothing in them. I was going to be hanging off the back all day. I didn't want that. I saw a pub I knew that I could get home from and said to Mark who was hanging back with me that he should go on and I'd go home.

Got home at 11, promptly slept for 2 hours. 

Woke up, watched the tour on tv :)

I think I needed to just chill out a bit. I can't race for 2 weeks as I'm going away next Saturday on a conference.

This is a Very. Good. Thing.

Woods, obstacles, lakes and fields.....

That's a Wolf run that is. But hang on, I'm peaking too soon there.

Is peaking a word? I don't even know now. Still I will follow the lead of my friend who makes up words and insists they are real.

Since KRR I have done quite a lot. But not as much as I intended. In brief.....(as I would describe methods in a paper when I couldn't be bothered to write the whole thing making it incredibly difficult for anyone else to recreate my experiments....)

Did the Silverfit aquathlon in Hyde Park the weds after the mara. 500m swim, 5k run. I didn't realise it was a pilot event and there were just 4 competitors......guess where I came :-D in all honestly although I am glad I went I had a horrid race. I had that thing in the water where I couldn't seem to get enough breath in ...... Not a panic thing, different to that. Was all wheezy. I think it is down to the time of day and amount of pollen. Anyway, to then get out and run a 5k when you are in debt is hard. I stopped at a Marshall point to rally myself, hands on knees til I could breathe properly again and carried on more sedately, that's fine I finished. 

Then I've gone blank, I must have done something for the rest of the week. God only knows what! I know on the Sunday I did Blenhiem Palace tri. Sprint distance.

I'd got a free place via Virgin Active so thought why not :) was a huge event with waves off every 20 minutes but very well organised. I loved the swim and for me had a good one. Then a long uphill transition to T1. Bike was 3 laps. Not flat, not sure why I thought it would be so on the first lap I had a mare, but did eventually get I to it. Run was fine, but I did post what for me is a shocking 5k time, still, another tri in the bag.

Once again I would have trained in the following week..... But don't know what! I know on the Thursday I went to the gym and did a. Class. Was advertised as Insanity but was actually a new class called Grit strength. Basically HIIT training with weights. Loved it.

Couldn't move on Friday :-D

That was ok though it was a rest day and I travelled up to Rugby in the evening and stayed in a hotel where I ate pasta salad in my room and drank wine. How sad is that! (Loved it). Decided after I'd drank enough wine that I wasn't doing Coventry parkrun I the morning.

Woke at 6am. Decided I would.

Found it. That's a win for me. Did it. Went back to hotel, showered and waited to be picked up by Mr and Mrs JW Ultra.

We then went somewhere or other to take part in the Wolf Run. We were joining a back of 20 or so running for Team Abbi, a little girl suffering from a rare form of muscular dystrophy. It affects 1 in a million, and from what I have heard she really is one in a million :)

Many of us were in fancy dress, I was Batgirl, and I quite enjoyed that to be honest!

I will let you decide what Mark was.

Anyway it was a blast, over walls through mud through water, monkey bars, tyres, you name it. Time is irrelevant in these races, finishing is key, and you can see we finished happy. Even though I look a bit scared there. You would, wouldn't you :-D

Anyway a pint of beer after and I got dropped off at Birmingham international for the train home which was quite nice as a got loads of room cos I smelled like a swamp!

Left Mr H to watch the footie as I had an early ish  start the next day for the Great Easton 5. If I tell you it used to be called the Tilty Hilly 5 you will understand why I e never entered before. 

No one told me they. Changed the name and it wasn't flat. Bastards!

Anyway it was an Essex champs so loads of quick ladies. I had an average race, 36 50 something but it was a beautiful course. My first mile was something like 6.19. That will tell you it was downhill. You had to come up that on the way back. Now if Garmin express hadn't eaten my garmin data I could look at that data. I am sure it didn't start with a six and maybe not even a seven!

Anyway, a pleasant morning.

This week I have done 2 classes, VIPR and Grit plyo. Both gave me DOMS. Good. I also cycled to Hainault and back for a good fun hill session with the D88s.

Did parkrun today in 21.30. Most pleased with that. Olympic distance tri tomorrow. Let's see what I can do :)

If Carlsberg made weekends.....

I probably wouldn't be blogging on an iPad cos I'd be a hopeless homeless alcoholic :-D

But seriously. Wow!

A few months ago it became apparent to me that I REALLY wanted to run London next year.

All I needed was a place. My old GFAs had run out due to my semi retirement from marathon running and let's face it ballot isn't really an option. So I looked about for an option that would actually fit in with all my plans but still before the July cut off for GFA applications. TBH there wasn't much but Kent Road Runner caught my eye. But it was full. I requested to be put on the wait list and was very fortunate to be offered a place very quickly. (Thanks Ian, you are a star).

So, I had a place. But, I was gearing all my training to a 5k at the end of April, and I didn't stop doing that. All my training was 1k intervals and the like. I really want that sub 20. Sadly it didn't happen, and anyway the we all went wrong so the course was short, I think I blogged it.

Whatever, I now couldn't afford to waste any more time on short stuff I had to go longer. All I wanted was sub 3.50 though, so actually the pace per K was a lot less than I had been previously going for. Russ basically did me a new plan with longer runs at that pace. So the meat of it was, an 18 miler, a 21 miler and a couple of 13 miler. Last Sunday I did a hilly half at mara pace and raced a 10k on the Monday after. That was marathon training :) (much better than 16 weeks I can tell you) 

All the runs suggested 3.45-3.50 was possible, I just had to go and do it.

So yesterday we took a drive to the cyclo park in Gravesend. I know this venue as I have raced a couple of 10ks here, it isn't easy as it's designed with hills in it, but the laps are short so aid is frequent. 

On arrival I pretty much met every runner I have ever known, most of whom were suprised to see me. That's ok I hadn't wanted to advertise what I was doing, I put enough pressure on myself, and sometimes people saying to you ' oh yeah you will easily do that' is not what you want to hear. I don't care what you say, it's still 26 miles, anything can happen. I bet the guy who I saw laid out on the floor with agonising carmps on his last lap didn't think it would happen, but it did :-/

Anyway, soon enough we were off. Eeeek! In the opposite direction to when I have run the 10ks, bit of a head fuck! I had 4 bands on my arm so I could discard one every 4 laps. I love the number 4. Then I would run one lap with no band. Sorted. 1st k, 4.30. Oops. Slow down. 2nd k 4.30. Mand!!!! Stop it. 3rd I think was 4.57, but that included the long drag up to the finish where the mats were. Ok go with it. And I did. Anything around 5 mins a k was fine, my upper limit was 5.25 and I think there were only about 4 that went over that, but I obviously made up a lot of time on others.

I spent loads of time saying hi to other runners I knew. I ran past a crocodile about 4 times without realising. I ran past mr h 16 times I think. Once I got a gel off him, once I got brufen, 3 times in that last 4 laps I got coke...mmmmmm. 

I think I knew from halfway 1.46 something that I was going to be ok. I know also that I did a positive split but that's how I run whatever the distance.

In any case I was delighted to finish in 3.39.37 a good PB and V40 prize to boot. How cool is that!

Got an amazing medal and trophy and was supported brilliantly by Mr H and Andy and Cristina who popped up halfway through. Also by all the Dag 88s who were running and supporting. An ace day.

I then got on the train to go to Hyde Park to register for today's Olympic tri in Hyde park, which I did with only one near tears incident :-D then home, pizza and bed.

My alarm was set for 4.30am, I woke at 3.30am having nightmares about all the things that can go wrong in a tri. Drank 3 cups of tea. That's better :)

Drove into town and parked near Marble Arch. Walked bike to transition and got it in no probs......this tri is well organised I will certainly give it that. That left about 30 minutes before my start time, so had another tea and heaved myself into my suit. Damn that pizza! 

Soon I'm sat on the pontoon thinking ' Christ that water looks murky and cold, but at least I can wee in it' anyway, we are allowed to drop in and hang on to the pontoon until the hooter. It goes. I swim. I stop and adjust my goggles. I start again. I stop. I adjust my goggles. I start, I have a minor tight chested panic attack. I stop. I order myself to calm down and start again. That's it. got it now. I'm last but it doesn't matter. I've done what I wanted this weekend this is the icing on the cake. I swim, and swim, and swim. I'm passed by people in the next wave but no one bothers me. It's remarkably civilised I guess because I was second wave off.

I get out up the ramp and try to run. My legs tell me to fuck off. I actually heard them :-D.

I shuffle to transition. See Mike L officiating, say good morning :) find my bike no probs and get changed.

Bike. 5 laps pretty flat with a couple of turns to beware of and a hairpin lap turnaround to be very careful of.i basically keep it as steady as I can. I am not out to beat anyone, not even me, I just want to complete the bike in one piece. This means I love it! I see Mr H twice each lap and give him a big smile and a wave each time so he knows I'm fine. I love my new bike! This is it's first test and it passed big time! No incidents at all of note and I am back in transition. As I run out I hear Mike behind me saying ' now for the best bit!' And I'm thinking 'help I can't feel my feet and my arse is broken' but I smile and wave and jog out for lap one. I didn't enjoy this lap. My feet stop being numb and just plain hurt. That's yesterday's legacy, however, at almost the lap end they are giving out energy drink and I have some and I suddenly realise I haven't had any breakfast. I'm starving! But the drink makes me feel better and I start talking to the supporters. As we turn away from transition I say to the guy next to me ' oooh we will get a medal soon' but he doesn't seem that impressed, he is on lap one I'm on lap two, but I carry on talking to him because it helps me to not focus on the run which I would normally hope to smash. We pass a very happy next three laps discovering we have a friend in common and I get to meet his wife and little boy. Made me happy :) obv I had to leave him when I veered off to finish but I sat in the grandstand so I could cheer him in :). 

Anyhow, a finish of about 3.05 which I'm delighted with. I DID IT.

I set out to do something and it worked, I knew today would be hard but that's the way it worked outand actually, I know doing stuff like this ultimately makes me stronger. 

NEXT!!!!

Come back to what you know.....

Sometimes it's good to remember why you do the things you do. I've said this before and that's cos it's true!

So this weekend I had a weekend away to run the Shakespeare half.

Not for a time, not so I could post all over the place what a great runner I am (!) but just to finish and enjoy the company of a good friend.

Mission accomplished then, thank you Mark, running with you is always a pleasure and I love our banter, especially when it confuses the other runners. They should get out the bloody way shouldn't they :-D

Also nice to catch up with Lesley, looking good on that personal training girl! That Dave fella must be alright!

Prior to this, I raced Friday, a 5k. I had been building up to this and it was supposed to be a PB. Training suggests it, but buggered if I can translate this. Saw 21.02 on watch when I finished which is only one second over, but I knew, I just knew the course was short. 

Sure enough when the results were published they said that all the a racers had gone wrong and cut of 110-150m off. So I guess really if I had PBd I would have been gutted. Small mercies.

Did 21.31 at parkrun on sat.....this is more where I am right now I guess.

In other exercise news I did 40miles on the bike on bank holiday Monday. I love it!!!!! Must get out on it again soon, though I seem to be quite busy. Still, I have an oly tri on 1st June so I do need to get on with it.

The fact that that is the day after a marathon is completely irrelevant. Right! :-D

That's it for now I'm too tired to think anymore :)

Go straight to the place where you first lost your balance....

And find your feet with the people that you love...

That's bloody good advice that is!

Family, friends, running, work. Pretty much have it all don't I. Yeah yeah I'm a lucky girl :)

Bells and Whistles 10k. The lovely Debbie Vincent drove me down to Dover ( she is an awesome lady) and we helped set up the water station for the marathon. Loads of time for me to get ready for the 10k. The course was four laps of 2.5k, and I knew what they were. Couple of hairpins that slow you but otherwise great running.

Started at 11am and straight onto the course with the marathoners. After about 500m I took the lead. Oh ok. After a k we turn at a hairpin. No ladies near, 2 blokes not far behind. Keep running!

I do, pass finish at 2.5k. Then water at 3k. I don't drink it I pour it on my head. First hot run this year.

5k still leading. Blimey! More water on head. Working hard now but still leading. Loving this!

Get to 7k, 1st man right behind me. Ok, can I get to lap? No, he took me just before but I'm still trying.

Last lap, I can do this. Of course. Get to 10k far before the end. Race is 10.5k but I'm First Lady second overall. Get in!

I think that was my last race really. Got plans yeah but just had a week completely floored with a cold. Tail ran VP last week, don't know why because it is just a walk. 

Waited 3 weeks to do a decent interval session. I can do 3k with breaks at sub 20 pace.

Need to put that together.

Need to hurt myself in the race.

Question is. Can I?

You will hear the answer.

Meanwhile. If you think you can, you can. You know the rest.

-)))

And if it's all we only pass this way just once...

What a perfect waste of time.... :)

Been wasting lots of time lately, doing what I do.

Work seems to be going good lately. Making things work, lots of meetings, but useful ones and Prof Z has sorted it so me and J can go to the AAIC in Copenhagen in July, which should be ace (Alzheimer's conference). Once upon a time the thought would have filled me with horror......what......I have to talk to all those people.....me??? But, and let's just ignore the fact that I am basically antisocial, I wish the 20 year old me had realised how much more confident I would be at 40. It would have saved a lot of worrying. 

Bet that's true for lots of people. I wonder if you're really confident as a youngster are you writing a blog now saying ' I wish the 20 year old me had realised what a wanker I was' ha!

Anyway, other stuff. Did bootcamp Monday night at Regents Park, really enjoy that, exercising as the light dies, fun! 

Tuesday morning up early for tri swim which I'm really liking. I work much harder than I would on my own and of course am working on technique which let's face it, is shite, but hopefully improving. Unfortunately after that I had such bad stomach cramps I had to go home from work early, not ideal so I missed track....I sent my representative who positively bounces like tigger when he gets in, so that pleases me. Proof that the horse will eventually find water all on his own :-D

Wednesday worked at home cos I can, then went off to the track to meet coaches Kev and Sophie on my bike. We had a good old chat about what these bike transition sessions will be which was useful and I will endeavour to get to get to. Did a few laps on my bike, felt good. First time on it since September :-O felt it too next morning :-D 

Thursday up early for more tri swimming, got videoed and have decided that only one arm actually belongs to me. The other pretty much does it's own thing. I'm having words! Thursday night out to see friends where I blame being tired for being a little (lot) drunk late on, and feeling like crap on Friday morning. Oh well.

Rest day Friday.....I couldn't have done anything and had to really focus hard on all the meetings I had that day! Gratefully left about 5.30 for Paddington and got a train to Slough, wooohoooo! Had a very tense conversation outside the station because me n the Mr couldn't find each other.

'Mand I'm here, why can't you see me?'

' I've already told you all I can see is this big fucking tesco sign cos it's so fucking massive, find the fucking sign and you will find me OK???'

'Ok, no need to be like that, I may have worked out where you are now. Last time I came here this was a roundabout'

Click.

Being married eh, licence to treat the person you love worse than anyone else :-D

Anyway we found each other and drove to hotel which was lovely and a proper bargain. Decided to eat there which was fine and had a couple of beers before v early bed cos we were both Knackered. That was good it meant we were both awake before 7am alarm and had time to relax over brekkie, well once I got over the fact that it cost 25 quid for toast and tea :-D

Then off to Dorney Lake for a half marathon. Was a bit alarmed to see only 6 portaloos for the crowds there as I was having some difficulty in this respect. Registered and sat in the car cos it was freezing and windy. Considered just going home. Told myself to man up.

Went to loo in time so I could make briefing. Was still in toilet q when briefing started and finished. Went. Then marched with Mr to start which was 1.5k away. Loads of people around us, they had to put start back. Their own fault. When an event company puts on a race they need to spend the money on facilities.

Anyway, got to start reluctantly took off my hoody and set off. I was absolutely freezing and the wind was making tears run down my face. But I ran, and got warmer, ok mile 1 7.10. Not bad. Ran back past finish and onto lap proper. Laps were 5k roughly. 1st 3k were quite nice, last 2k was a straight line between 2 lakes with a horrid crosswind that made it feel like you were running through glue. I know my pace went off here each time. Then you turn a corner and can see the finish, you then realise you are going to run through the finish. 4 times in all.

Now on this first lap my stomach was still feeling rubbish, when I saw the finish my heart just dropped and I thought I can't do this, I can't smile through this finish 4 times. But obviously you can't stop just there cos everyone would see you are a loser. So I ran through, about 50m on was Mr H shouting a clapping, I went to run towards him but he waved me away, ' no carry on you're doing great' I will be honest, if he had put his arms out I would've stopped there and then. But bless him he didn't and I went on thinking ok, I will do one more. I shouted him I was having stomach probs. but I manned up a bit and made my strategy. I would enjoy the 3k I liked and grit teeth through the horrible bit.

Next time Mr H was just before the finish, he was looking concerned and said after if I wanted to stop then he would've let me, but stomach had settled and I had got the measure of the course....do you know what I mean? You break it into bits and you deal with them as they come, probably a good strategy for everything.

So, third lap, bit quiet really now, we are all stretched out, but keep pushing. Start to lap people, which at least gives you markers to aim at. Pass through finish for 3rd time glad that the winner hasn't lapped me...small victories eh? Then I'm doing everything for tha last time. I stop looking at mile splits because I can do no more than I am, nd I'm also running the furthest I have in months, without actually doing any specific training for it, whatever time I think I should do, I will do the one I deserve.

So, end result.....1.37.47. A PB by 38 seconds. That's fair I think. I'm running better than last year but I lack endurance.

So hung around a bit while the results guy checked if I had won vets prize as I was first v40, but the woman before me was v50 and there was only one v prize. That's fine I was happy with PB. Then off home.

Forced a cheese sandwich down that I didn't want then had a couple of hours kip, then off to leisure centre for swimathon.

I expected nothing, I was very tired. Mr didn't think I would finish. 

Pah! I'm not into starting things I can't finish. I just wish that I could do the whole thing without a wee! Anyway because there were a lot less people in the pool this year......maybe because comic relief have made it a right bastard to try to enter and force you to have a just giving page..... I was last in the pool ( only 2 5k challenges) but, I just looked up my official time. 1.54.24. Dead bloody chuffed with that :)))))

What a brilliant Saturday, finished off with pizza and wine :)

I'm not doing anything today.

Didn't expect that.

Just lately I've been off. Off what, not sure but not me. I've been busy but that's not it. I have a worry, but not one I'm going to share, because it may be nothing. I hope so.

However. For all this I've been getting out and training. Not a lot of running. Well, not training running.

Done 3 swimming sessions. Loving it! I could get quicker. Tbh I'm not bothered I like the process. Bootcamp....same thing, I like doing it. Maybe I could get ripped! Ha!!!! Yeah, right.

But this week I had a 10k in the evening at Gravesend. Did it last month, got 2nd female with 45.38. Not a brilliant time but enough. Went this month feeling bleurgh. Bad stomach all week, decided if I could better my time that would be enough.

Good plan. Before I started I could see my competition. I knew also Cristina who I travelled with was on form. Start and hang on.

I woman I couldn't get near at start (finished under 40) 2 women overtook me early, then another at about 6k. I finished 5th, but only 2 seconds in front of Cristina. Still, I got the vet prize :) and BRR got the female team too so good going. And 45.22. Better.

Rested Friday. Spent Friday evening drinking wine because I wasn't feeling like I wanted to do anything at parkrun, except support Mr H who was RD. That decision seemed fine when I got there cos a crew of Havering Mayesbrook girls were there with their coach/dads. I saw them warming up and thought I could get 4th, with little effort.

Lazy.

So we started, 3 girls overtook me. Fine.

1k in I had passed one of them and was looking at the next.

I can't remember when I passed her but maybe just before halfway.

Then, I was gaining on the final one all the way and I felt good. Oh yeah 1 mile, 6.22, half way 10.20. I never caught her but thought I'd done well. At the end someone said to me what was that? I looked at my watch and it said 21.11. I was a bit upset.

I hadn't stopped it. It was 21.01. 

A whole 3 second PB. I will have that.

Then today it was xc. I got 13 which is standard I guess, but.we won the division, and the girls score was 26, so with that and my previous efforts I feel that me Vix and Max have done a good job for BRR this year. I remember when I was a member of dag 88 Rob saying to me we need women to run for us. Well I have. And see the result :)

And I don't think my efforts on the forum go un noticed. Baz told me he really laughed at my attendance question. My work there is done. (I love Baz)

Oh yeah, and I think mr h is going to join the running club. Gosh. I am not even sure what I think about that.

This is a generic running blog

Bout time I wrote somethink innit!

I can tell I've been busy, as I've had neither the time nor inclination to blog. But that's ok my life isn't exciting enough to warrant that many blogs anyway!

I think I've done 3 or 4 races lately. The day after my last blog was xc. I raced ok, not brilliant but BRR won the match again, so that's all good. One more left next Sunday then I can put my xc trainers away again. And then later in the year wonder why I didn't clean them first. It's all fun isn't it.

Then the week after that I was encouraged by friends to do the Dunton test track 10.

It's held on the Ford test track at Dunton. Would you believe. A two lap course all on private property the most memorable feature of which is the two 'banks' which are obviously designed to put the cars through their paces, but put runners through their paces too as you need to keep to quite a narrow bit of the track so your are not on a horrible camber. One of them climbs for a while too.

There were two wheelchair racers who were due to start 2 minutes before the masses, but we all lined up behind them ready as the announcer did all the stuff. It was quite clearly announced that they would go on the first gun, but absolutely predictably all the front row shot off at the same time.

They were called back, we started again :-D

I started fairly well forward so as not to get caught up. Two girls started about the same as me but immediately pulled ahead. That's ok I thought, 10 miles yet don't lose it. We got to the first bank, where I had to call on a Marshall to help one of the wheelchair racers who had got stuck! He was trying to go up the bank rather than round it, I'm guessing he was not that experienced, ( he finished though I was pleased to see)

Just after that another lady overtook me running with a guy. Still ok we are not a mile in yet.

Got to one mile in 6.57. Bit quick but I felt ok. Settled in looking really for 7.30 minute miles which would beat my PB. One of the nice things about the course was that the nature of it was that you were able to see everyone loads of times. Thi meant you could see where everyone was. The first 2 ladies were too quick for me, I could see that, but the third one, well I thought that was a possible.

Just after 4 miles I wasn't far behind her at all, but I had a bit of a fit of indecision about whether I could overtake and maintain....so managed my slowest mile 7.38 whilst I arsed about thinking about it. Eventually I thought fuck it and overtook. I could hear her male friend urging her on, I think he was a PT, and all this did was urge me on. By the next time I saw her I had built a decent lead so concentrated on me and pacing. Pleasingly I was very consistent mainly 7.22s and 7.26s and was delighted to finish in a chip time of 1.14.16. A decent PB and third lady :)))))

The Friday after that I did last Friday of the month 5k, had a decent run in 21.30 but could feel the 10 in my legs still. So just to be sure I did a 10mile xc race the next day. Hardly anyone turned out for it which was a bit sad, but I can understand why it was bloody hard and sections were just bog. Got 2nd lady there but I think there were 5 in total :-D

This Saturday I went to Grovelands parkrun in Enfield. The houses there WOW! A lovely park too, but quite challenging as you do the hill 3 times. Got 22.07 which I wasn't unhappy with.

Today I didn't race even though lots of my club mates and friends are and I feel that is just as well. I didn't sleep well (t 1.30 am I decided to have a drink of water and chucked a whole pint over myself, I'm not sure why but it proper woke me up) and my run today was well off pace. Still, you cannot run at your best all the time. I should try to remember that.

Oh I forgot I did a tri swim training session at Becontree on Thursday, a new thing and free for the next few weeks. I thought it was really good and am going back on Tuesday. I mean free stuff!!! Normally you have to be unemployed to get free things :)

Oh I forgot something else, I took part in a running debate about charity fundraising for women's running magazine, was really interesting and I will be interested in seeing the article, though I do hope they don't print EVERYTHING I said :-D

It is not enough.....

MTo be dumbstruck, you must have the words in that head of yours...

Not always. That's why I'm quiet sometimes :)

Trying to think where I left off. Oh yeah, was a bit fed up last time I posted. But then if we all got on all the time this would be a boring place wouldn't it.

Did Weald xc the day after my last blog. Had a good one, got my best finish position yet :) which is how xc races must be judged. No point going on time. So yeah, good.

Then last week went to Pymmes parkrun. Really small run but very friendly. 3 flat laps which on paper should be fast, but I did 22.11. One stretch was definitely hard against the wind, maybe it was that cos you did it 3 times...dunno. But 1st lady and you can hate me for this if you like but I like being first :-P

I did have a hard PT session the night before, that may have impacted too.

Trained fairly well this week, swim, gym, bootcamp, intervals, and then did Gravesend floodlit 10k on Thursday night. Got the javelin train from st pancras - 23 minutes to gravesend....wow! Got picked up by club mates from station and then off to the cyclo track where the races are held. You can do 5 or 10k and when we. First arrived I thought, yeah 5k would be good! But we had already agreed we were doing 10k ......and tbh I want to run as many 10s as ican for speed endurance.

Admin could not have been simpler, handed over a tenner and my form, got a number pinned it on, ready to go :)

4 laps of 2.5k, it is floodlit but at the two extreme ends of the track it is pitch black, with little lights on sticks so you know where the path is. The course is undulating with one short hill and one longer but less steep hill.

Set off quick like always. Passed what I thought were all the women after about 500m. Just after that a woman passed me, she was going too quick for me to hang on to so I concentrated on my race.

Barry a club mate passed me before too long but I wasn't suprised, he is on great form at the minute. I tried not to let him get too far ahead. I was enjoying the course, the first dark bit was really exhilarating as it was downhill and you just had to trust the track was there, the second dark bit I hung on to the bloke in front and assumed he wouldn't run into anything :-D. 1st lap ticked over and I felt good.

Shortly after that I passed a woman who had fooled me by looking just like a bloke. It's not on is it! It was much quieter on second lap as we stretched out and on this second dark bit I had no one to follow so ended up going really wide because I couldn't tell what was path and what wasn't. Still, 2 laps ticked off. They were giving out water at the lap but I was far too cold for that! Even running.

Now it was just fun as I was counting down. I aimed to keep lap 3 as steady as I could because then I could go for it on last lap. I'd need the times to be sure but I think I did.

Ended 45.33 and second lady. Myself Cristina and Faye also got First Ladies team which meant I got 2 bottles of Merlot. Bloody result! A very good evening all in all. Especially because when I left work I could easily have gone straight home. I'm going back next month :)

Today I did Valentines parkrun as it was its third birthday. I decided to jog round as it was so windy, right up until they said GO!! Then I just raced like I always do. Had a really nice run, 21.58, happy with that.

So a good week all in all. I made an assay work that I have been trying to sort for *gulp* a year! and I am enjoying racing. Life is good when I like to race, and tomorrow is xc again :)

I have written you down....

Now, you will live forever.......

That's right isn't it. Write something on the internet and it will never go away.

Is that a reason not to do it? I don't think so. We all have our thoughts, our opinions, they are just as valid as the next persons.

I will admit I cannot stand all the motivational shit that people post on Facebook and twitter, and if you know me you will know that, but......it's your right to do it if you want. If it helps you then good. I will scroll on. My motivation comes from...well it's my business isn't it. I do think ultimately we are on our own, and whilst it's nice to have someone cheer me on, I'm going to do it whether they do or not. For me.

Oooh, that makes me remember what I had my knickers in a twist about last week, or the week before.

I sponsored 2 people yesterday, one because I am willing her on to her first marathon and she gives an awful lot. The other, yeah it's his first marathon too, he got a place so isn't obliged to fundraise, but I'msponsoring   him because I am so impressed with the way he has consistently improved.

So those reasons. I will not sponsor because someone tells me they are doing something 'mad' or 'the toughest race ever' ...... Because I know. You're doing it because you want to. You. I've been there. I wanted to do the 10 in 10. Brathay trust seems like a worthy cause, but no more worthy than hundreds of other charities. I had to get 2250 to do it. I just about did. I hated every second of fundraising. 

I suppose if I had a cause that really really mattered to me it would be different, but it wouldn't change the fact that the event i chose would be something I really wanted to do. 

So try not to pretend the ONLY reason you are doing it is for the charity. I find that to be bollocks.

I do have more people to sponsor, I just can't afford it this month cos January was too long :-D

Should talk about running now, I've done a bit.

Highlights - 10k PB at Hyde Park, 5k 2014 best at Hyde Park yesterday 21.24. Hoping this is good as I don't run well this early in the year normally. XC at Parliament Hill was great fun. Hopefully xc tomorrow will be good too.

Got a running technique course at Mile End on Tuesday, looking forward to this and hoping the tube strike doesn't scupper me. Work shouldn't as I am on a stats and research methods course all week.

Got my appraisal a week Monday when I am going to ask if I have a job after November. Fingers crossed.

Anyway right, as a wise friend of mine once said. It's only running, can we all please just try to remember that :-D

This is your heart....

Can you feel it? Can you feel it?

Pumps through your veins,

Can you feel it, can you feel it?

I most certainly can thank you very much.

Back to work Thursday.....was ok, but it need to get my teeth into something, I will.

Back to training Friday, went to see Russ after work. 

Blimey.

Normally he shows me some strength or/and stability exercises and I have a go at them and take them away, so to speak. This week we did a full on core work out. Still having a residual cough I was sorta hoping we could just have a chat :-D

Started with step ups onto a step in running pose, holding leg up to show stability. Actually harder than it sounds. Balance requires you to engage your core. Something I don't do enough of. You also need your arms to be right. A serious difficulty for me.

Then pull ups pulling legs out straight in front of you. Or pushing legs? Dunno it ain't easy.

Then step ups with a jump similar to before.

Then pull ups bringing knees to chest.

Then stepping onto the step like the first time but this time with a harness on attached to a massive elastic band attached to the wall......how hard! The first few times I just fell off backwards. You have to step up then immediately engage your core as hard as you can. Then maintain the step up for a few seconds. I was dripping sweat here and losing concentration meant a repeat cos you just got pulled off backwards :-D (nope, I won't)

Then mountain climbers on a medicine ball. Nuff said.

I walked out shaking, but, actually having really enjoyed a proper session after a few weeks of being a bit pathetic. Yesterday I knew I had done a core workout. Today getting off the sofa is a problem :)))

Fucking love DOMS me.

Did parkrun Saturday, bloody awful run there in pissing rain, wasn't feeling the love. Ran 22.40, my worst time in forever, but I guess I'm still cold wheezy and not match fit. Still First Lady, you takes what you can get. Ran home, had hair cut shopped.....flaked out. Did 10 hours sleep last night. That's like marathon sleeping!

Today when I finally dragged myself out of bed Mr drove me to the mcdonalds at Hainault. He went in, I ran up to Hogg Hill and did 12 hill repeats. Ran back and had a coffee to drink in the car on the way home. Reward! Oh yeah and I said about the car that had a tyre blowout next to me. Blimey that shocked me. I wondered if I'd been shot!

Anyway, back training, going to visit my friends for a nice long run soon. YAY!!!!!