So what d'ya say?

You can't give me the dreams that are mine anyway......

But I can list a few goals and stuff can't I :)

And I can REVIEW THE YEAR :-D cos I hate that don't I. I'll be quick though, I'm not one for gabbing on.

Jan- cant remember
Feb- did quadzilla, it made me want to kill myself
Mar- went to Philadelphia, spoke at a conference, other stuff. Didn't run 100 miles.
April- didn't run London.
May- um....
June- er.....
July- found out I was anaemic which would explain the ambivalence towards running. Got very drunk watching Bruce Springsteen
August- took lots of iron, ran short stuff better, went to V, wasn't impressed. Worried about being unemployed.
Sept- did sub3 Olympic tri, got new job.
Oct- did 21.38 at parkrun, got 1st female at Brentwood 10k won £100 :-D won parkrunner of the month
Nov-left old job, started new. Had week holiday, tried out hot tub. No idea what the fuss is about them.
Dec-got inov8 195s and loved them :) went to my sisters for Xmas, loved it. Saw a genuine reindeer print. Got my very own fluffy unicorn.

And now for my goals for 2013.

*clears throat*

I have absolutely no fucking idea :-D

Last year I said what I was going to do and I didn't. I'm not making that mistake again. I currently am only enjoying short fast running. I don't know when that will change. I'm making no predictions. I will concentrate on my work and let the other stuff go on around it. Then I won't be disappointed in myself will I.

Cos it's you.......

Oooh ooh ooh it's always you, and I always knew that its you..oooh..ooh

That gets me bopping at the moment. And makes Mr H cover his ears in the car. That last ooh is painful :-D

Well it was my birthday this week, I had a nice day, lots of birthday wishes on Facebook and twitter and even *gasp* some in the flesh too.

Those boots duly arrived :-D I had a nice evening out with friends and general loveliness really. I am lucky.

Then on Wednesday I had the afternoon off for the official start of Xmas lunch bash I do every year with a group of people who are mainly people that taught me at uni. We left after D thought he was still lecturing and spreading his arms wide like a great orator threw an entire pint of beer over the pub. Can't take em anywhere.

Erm I worked a bit too, I'm actually really busy but you don't really want to hear about setting up procedures for a bio bank. Nor do I really.

I didn't run all week *beams*, sometimes you just have to say, fuck it, I don't want to, I have too much else on. So I did.

Did parkrun Saturday, feeling pretty jaded I guess due to a few excesses in the week. Still First Lady but the gloss is coming off that a bit! 22.25.

Then we did what I thought was an excellent ram raid style shop at tescos procuring many of the gifts we will give next week. This involved a bit of Mr H loading stuff onto the belt yelling at me to RUN and get things we had forgotten. Bit like that Dale Winton show. Hmmm what happened to him eh? I didn't like him anyway.

Today was xc. At Dunton, near Billericay I'm told. It wasn't hilly at all, it was just a grassy swamp. But I enjoyed it, and felt I worked hard. I was first female for Dagenham (17th female) but in this league you have to have have a combined men and women's team. The women need 3, with prob 1 vet, but the men need 7, with 2 or 3 vets. We had 5 ladies but only 3 men so we came last :( because of the scores that get added on for missing runners.

It used to be that we always turned out men's teams but not ladies, bit frustrating that now we have surplus females we can't get the boys!

We put the tree up just now. There's a rule that states that if you can't sing well you should sing as loud as you can, we have used this as a general principal and utilised it for tree decoration :-D

Did you know, I've been wanting you?

So leave the locks on the latch yeah?

That's just what I've been listening to. What sticks :-)

Hmmm, this week. Job? Yeah fine. Still got a way to go before its my job. That's fine.

News. Shocking. That the nurse who answered the telephone killed herself? Um really? Please, she was fooled. I hope it wasn't just that....except that sounds wrong too, I don't know. I will admit, I have a pact with myself that if it all seems too much then yeah just do it. But I have no kids. And I also have methods I refined. Long time ago. Smile :)

Ha! Dunno what I'm talking about. If someone did it to you you wouldn't, you just never would. I can't explain that. I don't want to.

Anyway running. Hmm 22.30 parkrun after a night out. Not bad really. And today was 16 with 14 at mp.


Never happened. I did 8 half mile reps at 3.32. It worked. Sort of. Only the last rep was longer.

Then out for lunch at a restaurant 5 mins up the road. Roast dinner for both of us and a bottle of wine and some beer for £40.00 not bad!!!!

Birthday tomorrow. No one at work knows. Good.

I've been away I've been working.....

But now I'm back and I need to know if you're still there, and I need to know if you still care......

Of course you do!

I left the Institute of Neurology in 2005, where I'd been a research technician and done a PhD, though I was still writing it up as I started a new job for the MRC. I didn't want to leave, but contracts end and it is true that working in a different group is good after your PhD, spreading your wings and all that.

I learned there that science was what I wanted to do, and met some of the best people I've ever known and still count lots of people from there as friends.

This week I went back, to start a new contract. I'm working on the same floor I was then but it is very different. The department I worked in went when the professor retired as is often the case. The department that replaced it is much bigger and the research range much broader but I have to say it has enthused me and I really hope I can step up to my new challenge. Currently there is lots of groundwork to lay for what is a very big and ambitious project but that's part of the fun. I'll admit I'm itching to get to actual research, but that will come. It's important to get everything right before we start, we will be dealing with precious samples people have allowed us to have, and that is a privelige.

Soooo not much to report running wise, been too wrapped up really. I volunteered at parkrun today and thoroughly enjoyed it. Seeing the last two ladies being so so chuffed at another improvement was actually much nicer than doing another 22 something 5k that I'm not that impressed with!

What I did do today was a 12 mile run with 10 at mp. That's 8.22 at the moment and I did every single one of them at sub that ... From 7.55 to 8.20.

Now that really pleased me. I didn't slow badly at the end last one was 8.15, and it shows me progress in maintaining pace and effort. This when physically I'm feeling quite flat and I'll be honest, tired.

Tomorrow's session is hmp, so harder but shorter. Then I'm off to see Elbow at the O2.

I'm a lucky girl :)))))

Between jobs.....

That's what I've been this week.

You may call it a holiday..... But I'm funny like that. We didn't have family holidays as kids, but that's ok I think such is true for many people. I think I was about 12 maybe 13 when we went away for a few days with relatives leaving dad behind. Things at home were fairly stressful, but I found that being away only increased this. I was terrified about what I would find when I got back. To cut a long story short we ended up going home early, and my worries were unfounded. But really not unreasonable if you knew what I did.

When I was older going away meant leaving my nan behind. I never actually made us get on a plane early but it was close at times :-D the thought that something would happen to her while I wasn't there was unbearable and my week would be full of nightmares. Quite ridiculous really but I wouldn't need a psychologist to explain the way I'm wired.

So as much as I look forward to a holiday and that there isn't anyone I'm really worried about right now, once I'm away I have to keep busy to stop me being anxious.

That looks proper nuts written down.

So I did have a nice holiday, but we did come home early..... And something had gone wrong.....I was right!

Washing machine broke :-D

A few phone calls established that it would be cheaper and quicker to get a new one, so shiny new machine is already installed doing its thing on piles of minging kit. Nice!

Ran and swam a couple of times whilst away. Parkrun was average 22.18. I also went the wrong way.Chelmsford 10k was disappointing if I'm honest. 46.40 something. I didn't bounce through it at all. My piriformis is just sore, I prob need to just train for a bit.

Still I will have the v35 trophy at club and its a few years since I have had that.

My best news is that I start my new job tomorrow. I really don't feel like me when I'm not working and this is an exciting opportunity. It's far too late for my nan, but maybe something I'm involved in will stop someone like me watching their grandparent deteriorate in such a depressing hopeless way.

I would say that I'd hope she would be impressed with the way my career has gone but she never forgave me for leaving the bank which was a PROPER job :-D love her :)

And the streets are singing with my feet...

And the dawn gives me a shadow I know to be taller.....

That's how a great weekend makes me feel.

Nice innit :-)

Goodness! You say, what did you do? Oh alright then I'll tell ya.

We know what Saturday was, yes yes, parkrun of course. A solid run I guess, 22.14. Started well, faded a fair bit but not too much cos Vicky was running :-D.

Then home to rest! Why? Well cos at 8.30pm I was being picked up to go do the Roding Rally. An 8 hour orienteering event where me and my team (Jen, Gary and Matt) had to find up to 10 checkpoints in Epping Forest using a map, grid refs and cryptic clues.

Simple!

I'd like to state that the problems we had finding the start were because it is so dark in the country side. Ok.

Went to register and, I'm not being funny or anything but certain pass times do seem to attract erm, ah, special people :-D don't worry I will happily include me in that. I got our card and set of instructions and purchased a see through ruler thingy. When I called it that the woman at the desk looked at me like I was bacteria. Which made me giggle. I suspect she wished me dead in the woods, something that actually could happen.

Anyway, loads of groups were huddled outside registration marking their maps with highlighters and one guy waved his map all marked up at us and said 'wanna look? Ha, well you can't' the words tosser and prick immediately came to mind.

Anyway being new at all this, our group decided to work out the first clue and set off just to check we could do it. We sussed which ref it was and set off. Not too far away, and pretty much thought we'd found it straight away. What in fact we had found was lots of other groups all blundering round the woods looking for what turned out to be a one man tent in a small clearing :) still we w we pleased to have got one.

All the rest were unlit but bigger tents, still really hard to find in the dark if you didn't head into the woods in exactly the right place.

We learned that distance and perceived distance bear no relation to each other, it's very easy to go in circles endlessly, cryptic clues are really fucking annoying when you are tired, upturned trees disguise themselves as tents and you must turn off your head torch when going for a wee.

We found 5 cps out of ten. We must have passed a sixth many times but just couldn't find it, we got lost once (4.30am) and had to give up on a couple to make it back in time to be counted.

Once back we had breakfast in the village hall and sat around for a while. Me, Jen and Gary were all due at xc at 10. With a bit too much time to kill we all went home and so it turned out I had about an hour and a half to shower and sort myself out..... So I sat on the sofa gazing into space and went to xc dirty!

I didn't have much enthusiasm I will admit. Walking 15 miles overnight and no sleep do not make for a great performance at a tough xc. Still I had shiny new spikes to try so I had to give it a shot.

The first mile I hated. Too busy, too much concentration on foot placement required. Then it gets into the hills proper and this is better, if harder. At about 3 miles I realise there are people ahead who shouldn't be. So I try to pick it up and am pleased to find I can. The last mile is the first one I hated again so I use this to fuel me and overtake 6 women, picking them off to keep me going. I finish happy that I have done all I could :) and we have enough women counters to score.

Next time I will be faster and I will beat more women (this league we all go off together at the same time, men and women).

Now it feels like every bit of footwear I have is caked in mud, but that will come off. And I'm going on holiday. Yay!!!!!

Back Friday though, and Chelmsford 10k on Sunday.

Rumour has it......

That I will be reacquainting myself with ultra running next year.

The man-suit needs an airing :-)

Anyway, it's been a couple of weeks hasn't it. Last week was parkrun Saturday 21.55, decent run and then billericay 10k on the Sunday.

I thought I could aim for around 45. Hmmm. Nice plan. Totally not going to happen in stair rod rain. The road was flooded across in about 6 places. This was slightly (only slightly) amusing the first time as I waded through calf deep water. Really fucking annoying by the end when my feet were really painful from cold and sliding around in my trainers. 47.07 and 14th lady out of about 190. That bit was pleasing and I will take away the fact that this time last year I would have been no where near that position.

Then a hectic week at work as I'm leaving soon and we have found something interesting, this on the face of it is great but frustrating that I am unlikely to be able to follow it up like I want. On the other hand a review I wrote has been finally accepted and is a nice way to end a contract.

This weekend was parkrun again, 22.16 in the rain. Ok, not astonishing, but I am trying to treat it as a decent speed work session and that it is. My 7th first place and i'd like someone to come and beat me now please :)

Today my aim was 14 miles with middle 12 at mp. I struggled to go out for it because.... Well I know it will be hard and running round home alone is now quite tedious. I got a bit pissed off at 6m when I went off the pace suddenly. A short meltdown later and a bit of sensibleness and I got back on track. I think I did 7 out of the 12 at or less than mp, the other 5 were between 8.30 and 8.45 except for last one which was 9 .....oops!

It will take some work I know. At least I did it I guess.

So this week will be busy being my last but that's ok I have the following week off..... After what could turn out to be a VERY interesting weekend.

I think that's it really. I saw a couple of blogs this week that made me think. I read a few forum threads that annoyed me. It strikes me that social media as useful as it is allows us (any of us I'm not excluding myself) to hold forth on topics we know nothing of. Maybe we want to know and I suppose that's commendable, but sometimes I think, just keep quiet eh, contemplate it quietly with yourself. Whilst what you are writing might seem reasonable to you someone who isn't you might be coming from a completely different place and actually be quite disturbed by it.

And not everyone wants to share everything.

It's not just physical

Everything has been going well lately. Got a new job, been running like a dream, making plans and stuff.

Good yeah.

Sometimes my head just stops working properly. I saw something on tv this week, something quite innocuous really. But it set something buzzing in my head, making me think too much, making me remember a time I don't want to. A time when I felt like the cause of everything that was wrong and that I really wasn't wanted. I knew I wasn't, I was told it often enough.

As an adult I can see that it wasn't my fault. But that doesn't change the way I felt, or the way that those feelings can quite unexpectedly come back to haunt me, making me feel small, frightened and completely lacking in confidence.

So yep I do have a headache, I don't have any appetite but really I can't race because I don't want to see anyone, I don't want to stand on a crowded startline. If someone brushes past me I could easily shatter like glass.

So I will stay at home, do some things to make me calm again, run hopefully,with some music so I can be in my own world and make sure I put myself back together properly for tomorrow.

Not my usual Sunday blog. It won't get tweeted, I'm not ashamed that I feel this way, I'm a bit annoyed that I can still be affected by stuff, but thankful that as someone in my 40s I have much better ways of dealing with things than I did in my 20s. Which is just as well cos I'd be dead by now if I didn't :-D

Inappropriate smiley? It is still me :)

Now next week I must do billericay 10k otherwise I won't get the club championship for v35. And I reckon parkrun missed me this week.

What I been up to

Ok we will get the races over first.

Parkrun - 22.59. Knew it wasn't happening from the start. Heavy legs, cramps. You don't need to be Sherlock Holmes :-D but still a decent workout.

Wix 5 today - 36.21. Quite a large PB but also a very good field as it was Essex champs. Happy with my performance given it would never be my best one. Dag ladies got a point in the Essex series so job done yeah?

DC from Ilford didn't take me over til 2.5 miles, I am getting CLOSER :)

I also entered some races.

Tiptree 10 for next week. I expect a good field there as well cos its masters champs, but my aim will be an official 10 mile PB, and to get in a decent length run before Russ gets pissed off.

Then, outlaw half triathlon. Well it was filling up and I fancy a blast which that course will give. Also LJB and Saffers have entered and I reckon we can have some fun :)))))

(I have just told Mr H that the program he is trying to make me watch is something I have already seen. He doesn't believe me. I have had to explain the plot and how it ends to him)

Which reminds me, this week we celebrated our 21st wedding anniversary ..... That's a bloody long time. We had a great dinner out at the local Turkish restaurant. We love asking for wine there cos they haven't got a bloody clue. We asked for (it was on the wine list) a red mouton cadet. Well I thought the waiters head was going to explode. He went away, lots of furious whispering later he came back and said 'sorry, we ain't got no motion cadett'

Ok then, Cabernet Sauvignon? He looked doubtful but we got it :-D

Anyway, nice night:)

I am also thinking about entering Benfleet 15 and a duathlon in Feb.

What else..... Hmmmm, well, no parkrun next week as I'm going to Epping forest to do a fungal foray...waheeey! No, it's not that exciting. One of my old lecturers from uni is a mate and he is taking students and I say every year I will go and tag along and have a beer after so this year I will.

Not too many though I have an appointment with a 10 miler the next day.

See you after that.

Shorter and harder.....

Is not something I ever thought I would enjoy more than long and slow :-D

I do realise there is a place for both.

Yes, I am talking running.

If you had said to me this time last year I would be enjoying racing 5 and 10ks now I would have laughed in your face. My plans revolved around completing a 100miler. However, you can go off running. And boy did I.

But I'm forever saying 'if you don't like it, change it' and eventually I did. (Giving advice to yourself is always hard cos there's a bloody idiot who won't listen). So now I'm training myself to run long and hard, which tbh still scares the crap out of me, but I'm doing it slowly, with proper help and finally a belief in what I'm doing that other people see before me. Yeah ok, I'm coming round.

So parkrun yesterday. I know this course now, very well. I know where I could go quicker, I know that I will lose time on the hairpin if I approach it wrong, I break the course into small chunks and try to stretch out on parts and also hang on to whoever is in front of me ..... That is a massive change in attitude for me. It's racing rather than running.

So long story short I PBd again. 21.38, 3rd overall, 1st lady. Cool. Can't be unhappy with that, though the man in front wasn't that far ahead ;)

Felt fine after, I generally do after 5k and didn't think I had harmed my chances in today's 10k. I was a bit nervous though. Partly because I haven't run one since 2010 and because I have not run over 3 miles for a few weeks. I looked at last years results and decided a PB would be my main aim, but an AG prize would be my gold star standard.

So, met up with club mates put my special shoes on :) and lined up. Near the front, my new tactic. I was looking for women around me but it seemed to be mainly men there.

And we are off. Basically I always run the first mile like a nutter. I can't help it. I need to get to my own space, there were lots in front of me and as soon as we started about 5 men shot past me but no women. Good.

First mile 6.36. I feel ok though and some was downhill. 2nd mile 6.56, ok I will take that....still fine. Decided to next look at 5k.

21.50 elapsed. Brilliant!

Except what you can now see is the people in front snaking up a winding hill. It's not steep but it's bloody long. So I look down. And dig in.

I'm doing Ks now not miles so I don't look at my watch. 6k I have a chat with a guy who asks me if I've done it before.

No.

Ok I won't tell you what's coming.

What's coming is a bastard of a hill and boy does it hurt but I keep pushing.

At the top is a water station and I can hear the volunteers discussing when they are going to see the First Lady!

'It'll be a Benfleet girl' says the bloke 'isn't that a Dagenham lady there' says the woman :-D

Bloody hell I am First Lady.

I am still at 8k, and 9k. I run the last k like my life depends on it because I have no idea where 2nd lady is.

No one passes :))) I cross the line by my watch 45.39. A PB by more than a minute on a much tougher course.

And a cash prize of £100. Mr H immediately starts looking for more races for me to do :-D

Was brilliant to see my friend Vicky from Barking RR get 3rd lady and her second PB in 2 weeks, and the barking ladies team (all parkrun friends) get 3rd team prize (Vicky, Vicky and Nikki) yes you have to have a rhyming name to be in their team.

Brilliant support from Steve and his dad as always, and obv Mr H too who did look a bit stunned when I ran down the finishers chute. Lovely compliments from my club mates too :)

A good weekend.

I don't know what it is.....

That makes me feel alive, I don't know how to wake the things that sleep inside....

Technically that's a load of tosh. I like it though....

Running is one thing though.

Not that I'm doing much lately. A cold this week laid me a bit low. Yeah I know pathetic but the desire to exercise in anyway shape of form wasn't there. Anyone who knows me will know that I am pretty rubbish at doing things if I'm not feeling it. And tbh I might pretend sometimes but I don't feel guilty about not doing things I don't want to.

I rarely do things I don't want to. I've designed my life that way. I couldn't wait to grow up so I could do that.

Possibly that makes me the most selfish person ever. Maybe. I'm not passing them genes on though :-D

Anyway I went off subject a bit there. Running, not much but I did do parkrun again.

I'm addicted. I want more people to go to barking. Please.

I was quite disappointed to see hardly any women. Decided I'd have to race the men. Started right at the front, guy shot off like a bullet me and t shirt guy behind him. 500m t shirt guy overtook from guy and so did I. Then I caught up and overtook t shirt guy at about 700m.

He then stayed just behind me until the next lap. There's a point on the course a mile in where it is very close to the finish and the Marshall excitedly ran over to tell them a woman was leading. *beams*.

Anyway I knew what he was doing, he was a first timer so he let me lead him round the first lap and then took off when he knew exactly where he was going. That was ok. I could hear Kieron another guy behind me at the lap point and sure enough 300m later he overtook me. I kept with him as much as I could for the final Km and then pushed as hard as I could in the final straight.

Result - 9 seconds behind Kieron in 21.59. 3rd overall.

I broke 22 :)))) and Mr H got his first volunteer position thank you as photographer, and some nice photos he took too!

Email from coach says easy runs only this week, and I'm fine with that :) then Brentwood 10k next Sunday. Can I maintain for 6 miles?

We will see.

A little less conversation......

Well I had to do it didn't I :)

Today was the last race in the Elvis (east london inter club 5 s) or something like that. A series of 7 races over the summer of 5k or 5 miles where the first 6 men or 4 ladies counted for scoring having to include at least one vet. ( veteran although they may have been some animal vets running I don't know).

This year having retired from going long I set myself the aim of doing them all. I've been a member of Dagenham 88 runners since 2004 and have seen it grow into a vibrant club with some good runners and although getting to training sessions is a rare thing for me I still want to feel a part of it, and this is a good way.

The first race was Eton Manor 5k. It wasn't that good for me. 24.42 I think but I counted and that was important. The next 4 were 5 milers :-

Havering 5 mile
Dagenham 5 ish
Ilford hilly 5
Orion 5

I didn't distinguish myself at any but because our best female vet has been out all season I was 2nd counter and 1st vet for the first 3, and then with some form returning 1st counter and vet for the last one.

Then was barking 5k on BH Monday . I had a blinder here, smashed my 5k PB to finish as 9th lady and 1st counter again in 22.16.

I was happy with that :)

Today was the last race the valentines park 5k. To ensure I was still able to run after last weeks adventures you remember the unsceduled 20 miler then 4 bloody days of stomach cramp :-/ I did parkrun yesterday.

And did 22.04. Oh, ok then I can actually still run.

Spent the night wondering if I should have done that, but apart from having a cold and being a bit snotty I seemed ok. I was still very nervous this morning.

I stuck myself at the front at the start, see I don't mind doing that if I think I can justify it :) and went off quick, basically racing to put myself in front of any other females I could.

Within a k there were 2 in front that I could see. Both ilford ladies, both of whom I had never beaten. One started to run away but I was keeping with the other, ok AJ just keep with her.

And I did! Until about three quarters of the way when I could hear her breathing getting quite laboured. I still felt marginally alive so I pushed and passed. I was amazed and sure she would come back, but she didn't. A couple of blokes from my club passed me in the last 500 m or so but no women..... Blimey!

So I crossed the line 22.05. Proving to myself finally that the 22.01 I did a few weeks ago is not a fluke.

I asked Mr H how many women were in front of me but he had been getting me a cup of tea ( :-)) so missed me finishing, so I thought no more about it and went home.

And then got a tweet from Jen telling me that I was second lady and won £25. Not a bad weekends running then!

Bring me a 10 k now please. I like the pain :-D

This is gonna be easy!!!!!

That's what I thought.

But let me explain a bit. In February I entered the JW Ultra. Not unusual, this would be the 5th year I had entered it and I do believe I have blogged previously about how much I love this race. It's like meeting all your mates for a social weekend and having a bit of a run in the middle.

A couple of months later Matt put forward the idea of a relay, he wasn't into mara running this year and I will admit I thought about it, but then decided nope, I'm gonna do the ultra, I always do the ultra. And I wanted to do it sub 4.30, not a time that would win any prizes but a time I have always considered decent for that course.

Move forward a few months, I 'm running the worst I have ever run, I have pulled out of any long races I had planned and could quite frankly give up running completely. So thankfully I found out the cause, but the build back up was not going to see me run any great distances before september, so dilemma time. Do I run the whole thing and hate myself for not doing it well?

Or,

Do I step in to Matt's relay team who are now a member down and go for a fast 10 miles given that my short speed has increased quite dramatically.

Not really difficult to see what to do is it!

So I stepped into be a part of team Mad and Madder. (Which actually is just bloody right really, anyone who saw us Saturday night will agree.......though maybe twat and twatted would be better).

Here was the plan, I would do first leg because I love the start and racing people at it, I've done lots of races lately and the buzz at the start does it for me (I'm funny like that, I really enjoyed my typing exam because of the time pressure and the adrenaline that made your hands shake). Then Matt would take over for the middle leg as he's used to running on his own and would do well here, then Kate for last leg cos she would chase anybody down she saw and is quickest.

Brilliant!!!

Sadly Matt injured himself on holiday so decided about 10 days before to pull out. Not good but there isn't much you can do about injuries. I spoke to Kate, neither of us was really up for 20 so we needed someone else. Luckily a twitter friend Sid offered and we were a full team again. I sent him the instructions and all that and he was going to meet me at cp1 on the day as he had other committments.

Day of the race dawned cold but clear, was lovely and relaxed cos me and Kate were staying at Lesleys (part of the race crew who is far too attached to excel but she is a really good hostess). We got to Stratford and I just needed a few pees behind the trees before I was ready to race, with a number belt on that I could give to Sid at changeover.

I started right near the front as I figured I needed to get a good start so as not to be caught up in the fields at the beginning. And I got a blinding one. I honestly bounced the first mile and until a bit more than 3 miles was first lady and there weren't that many men in front of me :) That was all good and I will be honest because I knew I was only running 10 miles I felt brilliant and I knew I could keep it up. I even managed a nice chat with Pete as he overtook me at about 7 miles in. I knew when I got to the aquaduct thingy that I wasn't far now (yes I did run along with my hand in it) and then when I saw Paul the photographer he told me it wasn't far, and indeed it wasn't long til I saw all the people on the bridge. I gave it an extra effort when I saw them and hoped I wasn't going to be sick. I started looking for Sid, for someone looking for me, for anyone really but the closer I got the more I realised that there was no one getting ready to tag me........ I dont think I believed it. 'wheres Sid' I asked Sharon..................she told me she didn't know what he looked like but she didn't think he was there.

Well.

I did lose it a bit. I really wanted some glass or something that I could smash (dont tell Mr but some of the kitchen stuff that has got broken, it wasn't an accident :-O ) I may have jumped up and down, I may have used words like fucking, kill, wanker, punch.......those sort of words i do so apologise (although judging by the sea cadets later they thought I was quite amusing) but while I was having this meltdown I was also realising that there was only one thing for it. I was going to have to run the next section. So I set off with steam still coming out my ears and without taking any water or fuel from the aid station. Idiot.

I have never wanted to run 10 miles less, but I think sheer anger took me the first 2 miles. Then it started to hurt, really hurt. I had given my all in the first 10 and Mark had told me before the race that if I had run the first 10 properly I shouldn't be able to run the second.(I'm wondering if he knew something here....hmmmmm?) Well I really wasn't. My pace was shocking and I was miserable. I needed water and fuel, and at 5 miles in I started walking mainly so I could cry!

I was saved by a cobra runner who gave me a sis gel and some mouthfuls of water. I hope I was gracious I am sorry if I wasn't. Anyway once I was past 6 I knew I could do it, one foot in front of the other, it will end. I have never been so glad to see cp2 in my life. I dont think I looked very happy though given that Matt didn't immediately rip the piss out of me :-D and Kate shot off like a bullet!!!

Sid arrived a little later having got very lost on his bike trying to find the checkpoint. He was very very sorry. Someone like me who is sooo bad at navigation cant really have that much of a go can they? Anyway I was too tired.

A little bit of TLC later and me and Matt travelled to the end to find Kate and find out that we were first relay team of only ladies over the line. RESULT! As we were entered as a mixed team we were not eligable for that prize however the race organisers did give us a special prize which was really lovely of them :)

Here we are being presented. I am already well on my way to being properly pissed here.

I would tell you about the rest of the evening. But I cant remember it.

Oh settle down....

Little heart of mine, oh settle down you're doing double time....

It was. On Thursday at 4.40.

On Monday I went to work knowing I had an interview on Thursday. That's good but now I was needing to prepare. I need to be up to date with the area (different to what I'm doing) and know the research areas of the principal investigators (3 of them). I need to check what I wrote in the application ..... Seems like I wrote it ages ago, and think of the answers to the questions you are always asked.

Where do you see yourself in 5 years? Having a job is never really acceptable. I did say retired once. I got the job :-D

What attracted you to this area? You can't say money to this one, there isn't any!

I was once asked what I would do if my toaster broke (!) it was for a technician role. My answer was that I would tell my husband we needed a new one wasn't what they wanted. I knew already I would be rubbish for the job.i did get my fare back :)

Anyway so there is that but that's fine, researching stuff is always fun. Obv I had normal work to do too but you don't need to hear about that.

Then tuesday I had a bit of good news. There's enough money left to pay me another 3 months if I want. Well I had to say yes didn't I. That took the pressure off a bit, but I still had details of 6 jobs on my desk I could apply for .

Weds I did 5 miles at mp. I averaged 8.14 per mile. Was in target. Or on, whatever.

Thursday was the day. I did my HMP effort run first thing and hit every one which was pleasing. Then I sorted out some smarter clothes to take into work for later. First thing someone said to me when I got in? 'you can't go to an interview dressed like THAT!'

Well I don't know why, I was wearing my IMUK polo shirt.....what's wrong with that eh?

I set the record straight ' of course I'm not bloody going like this, do you think I'm an idiot?'

Don't answer.

Then I spent the day convinced that I knew nothing, that getting my degree and my PhD had been a complete fluke and working a checkout would be alright really, whilst listening to people telling me I would be fine. We've been over that before haven't we.

So a small walk up the road to institute of Neurology to an interview room where almost exactly 7 years ago I sat my PhD viva. It struck me that I was loads more nervous that time and that yeah you know what I am a lot more confident now than I was then, people at work ask my opinion on stuff and come to me to learn stuff.....wow! That's quite cool isn't it. So I actually did know I would be fine. I knew that if I didn't get the job it wouldn't be anything I had done it would be because there was someone a lot better than me who perhaps had lots more relevant experience. I can only bring me to the interview and that's what they asked for.

It was a panel interview, 4 people on it, 3 scientists. One an FRS but all really nice it seemed. I answered all their questions, asked my own questions, I had a few, it's impossible not to in my sort of job and remember whilst you are speaking they can't :-D that could of course go horribly wrong but it was ok this time.

They said I would hear in a week. Ok I thought I can wait :-/ went to the pub to meet some friends but I wasn't in the mood really, just felt tired and a bit crabby!

Yesterday I spent the morning telling people how I thought it went......in this respect my work is rubbish cos everybody drifts in when they want, I needed them all in at once so I could make a general announcement!

By 11.30 I decided I needed to go out for a wander to get away. Half an hour later I got back to an email offering me the job.

YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm negotiating start date and all that but I am made up, really happy. 10 days ago I was sure I hadn't been short listed now I'm going to work on the sort of project I got into science to do.

I'm a very lucky girl.

Well, I think I'm ok at what I do too.

Throw those curtains wide.....

One day like this a year will see me right.....

Yeah a day like Friday :))))

Morning was at Olympic park to see some swimming. I was really looking forward to going to the aquatics centre and yep I thought it was impressive, but I found it a bit claustrophobic. I had been to the stadium on Monday, and loved it in there..... Just me I guess.

Anyhow, we watched some great swimming, some of it that I just couldn't imagine how they did it, some of it that made me think very hard about what I have and how I should be grateful for it.

Then we came home and I did a token run for reasons I'm not sure :-D then discovered I have an interview for a job that I thought had not short listed me. Which is good obv :)

Then the best bit of the day, off to the roundhouse in Camden to watch Elbow at the iTunes festival. I'll just say it was amazing, and assisted by my friend mr lager I was able to go right to the front. I bounced home.

Saturday was a gentle jog to parkrun, I told Mr H that I didn't have a hangover but that was quite untrue, so I was very glad I decided to volunteer and not race. Though looking at first lady's time I could've had her! Damn ;-) I clocked up a few miles after sweeping up and ran home. In the afternoon I went looking for smart tops for interview.... Came home with a pair of trousers that I am going to wear on my head :D

Today then I hooked up with 3 other dag 88s to do the Orion 15 self navigated xc. £3 for a set of instructions and tea and sandwiches when you are done. Slightly different course than the winter one which is a killer but still hard enough. However, with company and sunshine the miles ticked past really pleasantly and I would happily run a self navigation with this team again. (I suppose I should point out that I was not required to navigate, therefore the whole morning was strop free)

There were no cows either. This is important to note.

So really a lovely weekend doing things I like to do.

I'm now watching the Olympics closing ceremony, and tbh I'm a bit over it all now, so I'm not watching really. Although Russell Brand has just come on. He's a wanker isn't he.

Lots of people saying what shall we do now the Olympics are over? I suggest you do what you did before when I am presuming you had a life? No?

Just me then.

I couldn't ......

and I wouldn't want to change you, don't you know I can save save you?
I'll do it it on my very own....

That's apropos of nothing, I just been listening to it :)

So what I been up to?

Well I lined up for my challenge parkrun yesterday having not run since Monday. A combination of feeling below par and thinking fuck it twice and drinking rather than training. Needing to find a new job is weighing a bit heavy right now. Everybody tells me I will be fine, but you know what? Prove it then, ha! You can't can you :-/

Anyway enough of that. I lined up thinking that last week was such an improvement that I would be really lucky to do better, but I'd try to beat V and see what happened. A young tall athletic looking girl lined up too and I said to V 'she'll win it' .... I wasn't wrong :-)

But I started well, feeling good again and tried to keep tall girl in my sights. I thought V was keeping with me but I seemed to be moving away from her so just went with it, keeping TG not too far ahead although she was moving further away, I could tell. Got to a mile .....6.45 ooh better than last week, get in! Then tried to go the wrong way :-D corrected quickly (follow the blue arrows on the floor you twat!) and started to calculate how much better was that than last week? (or more truthfully what did I have to do to beat 22.04). However despite being a mental arithmetic demon at 7, at 42 I'm a dumbass and I couldn't do. I decided to settle for trying to keep each mile split less than last week and proper welly the last 0.1.

Next mile, 7.05. Yes better.

Last mile, 7.20, better than last weeks last mile by an amazing 1 second.shit I'd better move this last bit..... And I was actually catching TG :)

Anyway, end result 22.01. 15 second PB, I beat V and 22.04. Mission accomplished :-)

Of course I'm disappointed that it wasn't sub 22, but blimey I'm a bit
shocked at my form just now so I will just be happy at what I got and work harder to get it lower.

Then today it was BRAT Olympic distance triathlon. I blogged about last years disaster where dumb, dumber and even more dumb all managed to sod up a part of it :-) all I wanted this year was to go the right way on the bike.

So a brief rundown, I didn't panic in the swim :) I went the right way on the bike, I did okaaaaay on the run which wasn't really my cup of tea, lots on grass and a slope 4 times I hated, and last year I did

3.14.43

This year

2.50.45.

Yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!



And this despite my supporters completely ignoring me coming in off the bike despite me shouting at them. They waited at bike in for ages assuming I had gone wrong/had an accident ..... Thanks chaps!

So it was great to see @JWUltra (who also did it) @LJB1 who marshalled with a big flag, @madlot and @sidowski who supported (lots of other people).

Off to Paralympics tomorrow and Friday athletics first, then swimming and then Friday night I'm going to the iTunes festival to see Elbow :)

If I get an interview this week that will make it :)

That, that, that,that, that dont kill me......

can only make me stronger, I need you to hurry up now, cos I cant wait much longer....

Come on!!!!!!!! I'm waiting!!!!!!!!

I had a good run at parkrun last week didn't I, I was dead chuffed with the time and my recent improvement.

So I knew that in theory I should have a good run at the Elvis race on BH Monday, held on the same course as parkrun. With this in mind I marshalled on Saturday and had a good chat to Vicki, the race director. We had so many volunteers that she could have run if she had her gear, which led her to suggest that me and her could race it out the next week.

OK, I thought, that will be a big ask for me as I know she has just got a 22.14 PB. Thats just over 30 secs better  than my PB......... but, you know what that's no reason to shy away. A challenge after all is a challenge :)

Anyway, so I just did a really short easy to the pool and back on Sunday, as I had felt tired Saturday afternoon, and I'm lazy.

So sunday I ran there (its actually 2.3 miles so a nice warm up) and registered. Then hung about as I'd got there far too flippin early. Then got in the line up for D88 photos, then ran away when someone decided we needed more photos, this time next to our flag, then finally lined up.

Because I didn't want to get caught up I placed myself not too far from the front, chatting to Jenny who is having a bit of a mojo fail at the minute (she'll be back) and I said to her 'I will be happy you know, when I beat xxxxxx' a girl from a local club who always beats me. And with that we were off.

I'm not going to lie, I felt brilliant. The last 5k PB I got I remember that horrible feeling when I started of my legs going too fast for my body and feeling I was going to stumble.......today I just felt strong. I knew I was running fast, I had an idea it was faster than last week, I passed 2 men from my club and wondered what was going on. (one would take me back later). My garmin beeped a mile.

I looked.

6.53.

I said 'FUCK!' The man running fairly close to me moved away a bit.

I decided I mustn't look at my watch until it beeped again. I did look back as I turned a corner to check on any ladies who could beat me and score in the series. Nope all clear. The ones who were in front were a bit too far off, but I could do my best to make sure no one came past.

Mile 2 7.09. Blimey. I'm still doing ok, I'm still running quicker than I ever have. And whats more, after mile 2 in a 5k you are almost done......I chant to myself  'less than a mile, less than a mile' it keeps me entertained.

I know I need to work on keeping strong in the last half mile but I think I'm getting there, that mile was 7.23, I think, slowing yes, but my previous weeks run had an overall average of 7.31 so I wasn't unhappy.

Final time 22.16. 9th lady and a 31 second PB. and I beat xxxxxxx.

Whats more I think I really can give Vicki a run for her money :)

Now, you're at the wheel.....

Tell me how, how does it feel?

It feels bloody great, for the first time in quite a while I feel like me and my body are working together again. I'm just trying to remember what I blogged last time.........hang on..................oh yeah, I was banging on about the olympics and how good all that was.

It was rather wasn't it.

So my running, I'm still not running that much tbh, still trying to let my body build back the iron stores. Dont want it to be like baling water out of a boat with a hole in the bottom :-/

But......... I did parkrun last Saturday. I ran there, 2 miles and then did it. The field wasn't big, I didn't recognise any of the ladies in it, but two of them went quite near the front for the start so I thought that they must be my competition.

Do I sound like a twat when I say that? It isn't like I am quick or owt, but I do take racing stuff pretty seriously :)

Anyway, set off quick as ever, and within 500m was ahead of both those ladies and just behind the leading men. I felt ok. Actually I felt quite good, so I thought ok I'll keep this up. I ran round the corner to the lake and checked behind me, no I'm not losing any ground, I appear to be gaining.......ok keep it up.

And basically I did, I didn't run out of gas which has been happening recently, It was bloody hot but tbh I think that suits me. Once I had a k to go I knew I was going to maintain first lady and that it was going to be sub 24, I knew this cos I felt good.

23.23. Delighted. I think I have only run faster than this once in a recorded 5k. I went 23 something at serpie last Friday of the month 5k back in 2004 and 22.47 at 2010 barking park 5k. Everything else has been 24+.

And just to prove that maintaining that average was not a fluke I did a mile rep session this am. 1m easy 1m hm pace 1m easy 1m hm pace 1m easy 1m hm pace 1m easy. Now projected (god only knows when) hm pace is 7.37. Today I hit 7.31, 7.19, 7.34. I am confident that I am gradually learning how to put these together. I guess I need a 10k soon. I do have a 5k on bh Monday. We will see how that goes.

I am also sorting out my diet with a bit of help from a nutritionist that I have got to know via twitter. I guess that my best mara time came when I was about 9 and a half stone. I am 10 stone 5 at the minute. Now this for my height is not overweight (well BMI is fine but thats a bit of a shite indicator of health as we know) but I know I would be a better runner if I could just get rid of any excess.And with the food plans I have had so far I think this will be entirely possible. It is taking me a while to get my head round having more food in the house than just apples bananas and bread, and I will admit that having someone tell me what to eat makes me want to throw my knife and fork on the floor, cross my arms, stamp my foot and say 'well I wont eat anything then' but thinking more about what I eat is definitely going to be good for me.

It says on Sunday have a small choc bar such as a flake. Bless him, Mr H saw this or heard me say it, so he got me a flake. 'when are you going to eat that?' he asks 'oh I dont think its on the plan til Sunday' I reply. 'oh right,' he says 'well maybe I'll just have to eat that one now and get you another for sunday' :-D

In other news, I am really really looking for a job now. I have got everything I can out of this job so my contract ending is not a bad thing. Unless it ends before I have more paid employment. Then it becomes a VERY VERY BAD THING.

And I almost forgot...............went to the V Festival at the weekend. Says it all really doesnt it. Yeah it was ok. No great shakes.

How high?

Oh I could kiss the sun, run a minute mile........

Blimey, the Olympics yesterday was amazing wasn't it. I didn't see the ladies tri as I was doing a race, so obviously I only know it ended disappointingly but I don't really know what happened. Seems Helen just did not have that edge that full fitness would have given her. I will watch it at some point but not at the moment. Of all the triathletes I follow she is my favourite , she is just so unassuming and just gets on with it, no moaning no fuss that is something I admire in anybody. If you know me you might know that by now :-D

Then the afternoon and evening, well wow. Jessica Ennis just stamped all over it didn't she, and they way she won that 800 just made her seem like the champion she is. Then the long jumper Greg, no one saw that coming did they! And Mo. I will admit I didn't think he would do it. I thought the field too strong and am pretty used to seeing track 10k and 5k from Brits that are a bit disappointing , but no, he was absolutely majestic :)

Proud to be a Brit? Yeah I am, I think we are putting on this games brilliantly, and London (other places are available) seems to be coping well.

Now let's talk about MEEEEEE!

Parkrun last Saturday, the inaugural Barking one. Saw everyone I have ever met there. Fact. Tweeters @flatfooted and @pammieruns, members of all the running clubs in the area and two members of my tri club I thought had emigrated I haven't seen them for so long :D

I'd gone because I wanted to run the first one and because it is 2 miles exactly from my house. Of course when we started I wanted to do well.

And until 500m from the end I was second lady when Inga got me. We've had a few tussles over the last few years but I was very encouraged by how strong I felt compared to lately and I did 24.15. Fastest 5k this year.

Then yesterday I did Orion forest 5 a 5 miler race 5 in the Elvis series. It was on the outskirts of Epping forest (I think it was, who knows but it sounds vaguely right) and was basically a mostly trail undulating course with it bit of mud but not too much. I wore my trail newtons and managed to keep one pristine, the other full of mud inside and out.

Maybe I hopped it?

Anyway, I am waiting for the results but I was first lady home for my club and boy it's been a long time since that happened. Jen very graciously said that she had a normal race for her but I think she was maybe a bit below par, but I do think that I'm getting it back.

YES!!!!!!!!

I celebrated later by doing a circuit session in my bedroom. Yep, me and a Swiss ball, and every now and again running out onto the landing to do some step ups on the stairs. This is what forces me to wear clothes whilst exercising , the neighbours already view me with a bit of suspicion.

Anyway, one picture is me loving my running :-) actually I do look quite happy. The other is a photo my friend Dave took yesterday morning as he took his seats in the Olympic stadium to watch a morning of athletics. Bastard.

So you been broken and you been hurt......

Show me somebody who ain't,
Well I know I ain't nobodys bargain but,
Hell, a little touch up, and a little paint..........

May be a major overhaul and loads and loads of paint??? ;-D

Sorry I'm still on my Bruce kick. My husband says I should be listening to Band of Skulls, and I have tried, but really unusually for a recommendation from him I'm just not getting it. They are on at V, maybe while they are on I will go and throw myself round the dance tent for a bit, get my fix :)

(I don't actually mean go and buy drugs you understand)

(I dunno it might be an idea)

Training wise, I do feel broken at the moment. I'm a bit dissapointed in myself not to have dealt with things earlier, maybe I wouldn't be at this point. I also feel like I am being lazy and making excuses, and I don't like that. The actual reason I went to the doctor though, was because I need to not feel like I am in a fog at work, I keep getting home and remembering that I have forgotten to do something, or put something away. I don't need to be like this, I'm trying to write a job application, for hobbies I do not want to put SLACKER.

However, I have taken action and hopefully will get my energy levels sorted. (had no idea how much ferritin levels could affect performance, I have educated myself, incidentally ferritin is upregulated when Haem Oxygenase is induced. I did my PhD on haem oxygenase. My professor always made me write it haem, not heme like the Americans, he was proper old skool.)

I only ran once last week (do not count 30 min jog) and that was the Ilford Hilly 5. A two lap race that is usually bit of trail bit of tarmac. Troops being quartered in Hainault Park meant it had to be all off road, and actually I preferred it for this although it was a bit of a mudfest (dear pink shoes of speed, I am so so sorry) anyway I got 42 something which I was dead chuffed with. A long upwards drag twice is never going to leave me with the quickest 5 miler but I dont think it was too bad. It was very nice to see @JWUltra there for his first race in ages as he was working in Essex. Predictably he found someone to talk to who came from Bournville so he felt right at home :)))

Finding myself feeling like a squeezed out teabag for the rest of the week was pretty predictable really, but I did have a nice weekend. Ran 3 miles to do a quick test mile to report to my PT, went for a curry, went to the town show twice and watched the olympic torch go up Lodge avenue. Whilst at the Town show I spoke to someone from a bike co who do cycle training. One of they things they do is help people to commute on their bikes.

I now have a guy from there coming to my house next Monday morning at 8.30am to have a meeting about what training I need :) I am saying this in case I end up in bits in a freezer. You can tell the newspeople 'she only wanted to ride her bike into town....she didn't deserve this.....' :-D

Please make them use the photos from my first graduation, the second one I look rubbish.
Donations to the Parkinson's disease society.

See ya :)

C'mon and take your best shot....

Let me see what you got..

Not a lot actually. I have pretty much written off the last 2 weeks training due to being rubbish.

I do however have 1 10 mile run to report, my leg of the endurance life real relay. This is the unofficial relay following the Olympic torch but, all on foot and 24 hours a day. Basically you look on the website as legs get added and you sign up for a free one and donate £10 to Chicks charity. When I looked in June the nearest one to me that I could reasonably get to was from Colchester to tiptree. Still 60 miles from me but what the hell. I signed up anyway.

The deal is you navigate yourself, so I did a google maps and it looked like a straight line, cool, I thought, even I can do that! :-D

So after a weekend of resting because I didn't feel that well I set off early to catch the train to somewhere I had never been with my phone, a bottle of drink, some maps and 2 mini mars bars. I know how to travel.

Anyway the first panic was at Shenfield when I discovered my train was one of those sodding things that splits. Why a train can't just go all in one piece to the same place is beyond me. I stressed a bit and kept walking down the train until I was convinced I was on the right half and was delighted to actually arrive in Colchester only slightly wound up.

I then needed to find Colchester castle. I looked at my map, and struck out towards it. It was about a mile later when I discovered I was walking in completely the wrong direction :-/

I may have had a strop at this point. I may have said on the phone I was going fucking home and sod this fucking relay..... Nah....that's not me is it! Of course not!

I went back to the station and asked someone, who said if you are good at directions you can walk there or if you are not you could get a cab.

I got a cab.

Then I sat outside the castle for about an hour waiting for the runner before me. He duly turned up accompanied by a woman on a lay down bike thing. They said they would help me find the B1022 which I needed to take. Which was nice of them but because they knew the area they gave me a better route...... So I only got a bit lost :-/

I did find the correct road though and then all I had to do was follow it, carrying the 3 foot long baton with a GPS thing taped to one end and a union jack flag on the other :-D

At one point I had to go round a mini roundabout and go right off it, I knew this was right, but I spotted a sign pointing in exactly the opposite direction saying tiptree. Fuck.

I was sure I hadn't gone wrong but maybe I had turned round and forgotten I had??? Seriously stranger things have happened to me....

So I did what I always do, I stopped in a gateway, threw all my stuff on the floor and went into meltdown mode. Just as I was about to do this a guy walked out of the gate and said 'are you a runner doing the real relay? Can I shake your hand?' Really, that happened :)

I said I was but that I was really confused by the sign. He assured me that I was right and that the sign was for the sustrans cycle network.....see just another example of life trying to fool me. Not right, not fair but I have to deal with it :-D

So I set off again happier, and basically spent the next 5 or 6 miles jumping in and out of the hedge to avoid being run over. I'll admit I still wasn't feeling that well so I was slow anyway and about a mile from Tiptree I was walking when a car pulled up on opposite side and a woman leaned out and told me she was a journalist covering the relay for the local paper, would I like a lift?

Bloody no I wouldn't! That wasn't really the idea of a relay on foot.

Anyway soon enough I finished, handed over and posed for some pictures. And then walked about 3 miles to the nearest station..... I was it appeared in the middle of nowhere.

Glad I did it though. It feels good to have been a part of something and challenge myself a bit too.

I haven't been well since, but I reckon I have picked up a virus somewhere and hopefully I am seeing the back of it now. I haven't had the slightest desire to exercise and I know that's not me. I'm also seeing the dr for anaemia related stuff so I'm really hoping that very soon I will have all my enthusiasm and energy back.

I did get some energy back last night at the Bruce Springsteen gig in Hyde Park, supplied to me by LAGER. It seems a long time since I ran around and danced like that, it was ace. We were completely Knackered by the end of it so I'll assume that's why Mr H fainted on the tube on the way home. Bloody lightweight. :-D

Hoping to run tomorrow, and decide whether to do the Elvis race on Wednesday.

See ya.

She said, I'm tired....

Come get me off this merry go round....

Tis true. All this week I have been working off fumes or something.

I guess last weekend was a bit busy. As a consequence I rested Monday and then Tuesday too. I still went to work obv but I felt really flat. Wednesday I had a go at the session that said 5 miles with 3 x 0.5 at 10k pace. Pretty much nailed that and was really pleased. That left me 2 sessions for the week. 8 and a 10.

Thursday I swam as my legs were a bit shot. Friday I planned 10m steady, woke up, pissing rain decided to go for the 8. Started, slow, and basically couldn't find anything for the quick bits it just wasn't there. At 2 miles I got stomach cramps at 3.5 I binned it.

On advice I didn't try to catch it up, but I did do that session on Saturday and felt fine. I don't know why.

Or maybe I do, I was playing around with my diet last week and cutting carbs, I probably went a bit far :D

Anyway, today was a sprint tri. All of 1 mile from my house. I set myself a goal of 1.30 and achieved it by 15 seconds. Being more optimistic wasn't going to work due to the numerous traffic light stops on each lap. I can tell you it is very frustrating to work hard to go past someone on the bike and them have them pull up beside you at the lights, or worse, just jump them :-D

Anyway it was fun and my first tri of the year so all good. I've sent feedback too as I feel it is important to support local events. Get me!

*********************************************

I started writing this blog 2 weeks ago and I have finally the energy to finish it.

Last weekend I went up to Nottingham on Saturday to meet up with lots of triathletes and do the 3k big swim. It was an early start but got there in good time and registered with @JWUltra who was doing the 5k as race prep for his 10k target race. I'll be honest I felt a bit of a fraud as everyone was registering to do IM and here was me registering to not even do the whole swim distance. But at least I was doing something. Met up with loads of pirates and was great to see FB and Petal who were also doing the 3k and then doing bike in/out marshalling the next day.

Anyway midday came and JW went off (ooh nearly forgot SA was doing it too, I had lovely hugs off the whole family when I saw them :-) I went off and had a nice chat with KK and generally faffed around while the 5k went on. I predicted a 1.35-1.40 swim for JW so started looking out from 1.30. I'm guessing he came by the group of us watching out at about 1.35.... I knew it was him coming because his stroke looks really 'lazy' and yet he is moving some.....can I just say how jealous I am of that :-D and he finished in 1.41 something which was a great result and his race plan had worked. (I understand this is due to @JPSSportsCoach ) I had to rush off then and change for mine. My target was 1.20, and not to have the stupid panic thing I always get.

Started well, no panic yahoo!!!! Swam steadily to the turn around, was aware the nearer I got the more choppy it was becoming. The bouy was blowing around like mad. I had visions of it bopping me on the head and knocking me out! So I gave it a v wide berth. ( confession here, I am scared of bouys, and the ropes that anchor them, seeing that rope going down into the depths makes me feel sick..... Odd maybe but there you go) so past the bouy and into loads of chop, got a fair few mouthfuls of water and a good slapping it felt like! However past a certain point it calms and you are heading home.

Only to get out, do a little run and then jump back in and do it again! I love that bit. You feel drunk, and yet you're an athlete!!! That's me :)))

I wasn't drunk. Just to clarify.

Anyway second lap pretty much like the first. The bouy didn't get me, I was more prepared for the chop and I finished in 1.18 something. Yay!!!!

Got changed said hello to a few more people. Was delighted with how delighted Petal was to chick FB, and was really pleased to be able to wish Sid all the best.

Then I was even more delighted to drink a few cans of Stella in great company before I headed home.

Sunday I followed the outlaws progress. I was well impressed with Emma's win and the same with Sid's finish. But there were lots of great performances, Hope and Holly did fab, Meldy and Mouse and well just too many to mention really.

I tried to run, but had too bad a stomach to complete, which pretty much brings me up to date cos I haven't felt really that well til today. Must've picked up a virus.

So with that and the tired problem which I am hoping will get sorted soon my training week has been pants.

Tomorrow is another day and as it happens a 10 mile leg of the @enduranclife real relay which is following the Olympic torch round Britain from Colchester to Tiptree.

If I don't get lost I'll tell you how it went next week :)))

Tell me all,

and I'll try to piece it together, I've got a photofit mind, but I'm a first rate forgetter.....

ANYWAY, I've been busy!

I'm not even going to talk about work, my day to day job doesn't really involve many meetings. I have to go to a number of lab talks and such like but generally I work on my own so not many people to meet with :) Last week I had 4 MILLION. I know!!!!! A couple were career related so actually probably quite important, but still.

I lied, I am going to talk a bit about work, on Monday I had 3 work experience girls with me for a couple of hours. Basically we need to give them an overview of what we do and perhaps show them a bit of lab work. Sometimes it's quite difficult because they think they know everything (of course when I was 17 I was world expert on most matters) but this group surprised me by being so interested and impressed by EVERYTHING. Seriously, my Gilson pipette was the best thing they had ever seen. Maybe they were just taking the piss out of me but those few hours were quite pleasant and I wish them all well in their A levels. That's good that is, I have wanted to stab previous students :-D

Then on Tuesday night I had a 5 mile race in Romford. I'm not that keen on evening races because generally I haven't drunk enough in the day and then there's the worry of something going wrong at work or on transport so I don't get there but this wasn't too bad. I did have to beg some water off the water station before the start as I had forgotten to bring any but I think I started in quite good fettle. Finished in 40.42 my av pace was 8.12. Ok thats where I am. This was very flat mainly on roads.

Then Saturday I was due to do the Great East 1 mile swim, but it was put back to Sunday because of worries about high winds. Not ideal as I was quite busy already Sunday but was still going to be doable.

So the 16 miler that I was going to do on Sunday incorporating a 5.5m race was moved to Saturday. A bit of a lacklustre performance really (I have an idea that being out and drinking alcohol 3 consequ...... 3 nights on the trot before hand was a bad idea) but it got done.

And yeah my legs were done too. Soooooo tired, however I had work to do the next day.

Up at 5.30 Sunday to go and help out at Tri Sport Epping's Try a tri event. My job was swim timing and Mr H got the job of puller. He thought his luck was in but actually it was a really tough job pulling tired novice triathletes out of the pool when they are a dead weight :-D

Theres me ready to go :)
Anyway, I think we saw 137 people in and out of the swim and then we got in the car back to Dagenham to my running clubs race which is part of the same series as the one last Tuesday had been. This one is pretty much all off road and consisted of 3 laps round the 'Chase' a small nature reservy thing. Pleasingly I did this in a 8.13 average, on much more tired legs than on Tues night. I was happy with that.

Just before the race. Note the bed head!!!! I still wasn't properly awake :D Mind you Michael behind me looks like he is doesn't he!

So, that left the swim. Raced home jumped in shower, picked up my wetsuit and stuff and we drove to Ipswich. Well, Mr H drove, I tried to make conversation with him but ended up dribbling on my chest when I went to sleep. He did a good job as we got there just as registration for my wave had started. I did a quick change, got interviewed by someone from the telly and went to acclimatise.

Ooooh it felt cold. But that's because I haven't been in OW for aaaages. Anyway I swam about a bit and satisfied myself that I could still swim. We then had to get out and be herded into a pen where some aerobics instructor thought she'd give herself some entertainment trying to make people lumbering about in wetsuits do a warm up. I joined in because there wasn't anything else to do. Then the compare interviewed people from earlier which was erm.......a load of cock really, I just wanted to get in the water! Eventually, when we had had enough time to become de-acclimatised we were allowed to go in.

The first 400m were a bit of a nightmare. Head up doggy paddle as usual which is very energy consuming. I told myself I could do that all the way if I needed....I know I am strong enough. And as soon as I had accepted that, I could put my face in the water. It really really is head games.

The rest of it was quite pleasant. The only other problem was the end because you had to swim under this gantry thing for the chip in your hat, but compared to massive bouys and flags it was really small and I couldn't see it! A canoeist and some shouting got me there.

Out onto the carpet and you get a goody bag with t shirt and medal and water and bits and bobs, then a photographer....er......no you cant take a picture of me looking like the creature from the black lagoon, but thanks for asking.

I did 39.03. I am very happy with that :)))))

AND, I did my exercises when I got in.

Rest day today, I have sessions later in the week that I want to hit. Oh and a sprint tri on Sunday. I am thinking of pumping up the tyres on my bike on Saturday. That will be bike training sorted!!!

Bye!!!!!!!!!

I love it......

When a plan comes together :-D

Or I will, that is what I keep telling myself.

The urge to enter events has been strong this week (I'm going Yoda help!h and I have been having to reign myself in.

Well sort of. I have entered a mile open water swim for next Saturday and a 3k one the day before Outlaw. I am toying with entering BRAT tri in September so I need to do some OW and tbh I could go to tri sport training sessions, but I never panic in those it's races I struggle with so I'm going to do races and just chuck myself in at the deep end so to speak.

I also have 2 running races this week. A 5 miler on tues night and another on Sunday. All Elvis stuff. I will need to incorporate Sundays race into a sixteen miler of which 10 miles are supposed to be at mp. The way my speed is at present my 5 mile pace is only just quicker than mp so I just go all out for that and then see if I can sustain any speed for another 5. Will be an interesting experiment.

I will say I think strength work is helping. Though I have been more tired this week because of an increase in the amount of it. Piriformis pain kicks in later and I'm finding my form better I think when I try to run faster.

Fuckinghell they will say as a fly past at 9 minute miles, she's not fast but she looks ace :-D on that note I know I'm 7lbs heavier than when I ran most of my PBS so that is definitely something to look at. Running volume is going up, that will help but I need to stop eating so much junk. (for that read stop drinking beer!!!!! Actually don't stop completely, there are certain social situations I couldn't do without a bit of alcohol, but you know what I mean)

And because I am doing the swim before outlaw I will now be supporting for as much of Sunday as I can. Plan is see swimmers into the water. Breakfast. Shout at every person who gets out of water :-) then go off onto the bike course to hurl some more abuse. I am not formally saying we will do marshalling stuff, we did that last year, but I am sure we will spend some time at feed station. Mr H loves that part of it. I like it too but the serious boys try to rip your arm off!

I didn't really have anything to say but I seem to have gone on so I'll shut up now. Next week I will have 3 events to report on!!!!!

Just need to end by saying that I hope Mr J Perox had a stormer doing whatever it was he was doing today :)))

Experimenting......

On me!

So 4 weeks ago I made an appointment with the guy who does my sports massage for PT with a very specific goal. To get me running properly again.

He is a qualified coach too and the running talk we had done made sense to me. We agreed I would see him once a month (can't really afford more than that) but that he would provide a running schedule also.

So first visit he shows me a mobility circuit sort of yoga y stuff some strength work and some core. He sends me a schedule of how many and when and 3 running sessions all of which contain a certain core element to be done at a target pace.

Well as near as you can get (not very) From what I can see so far we go light week (20 miles) to a bit more miles week (30+ miles) then back.

I haven't hit any targets so far but then that's why they are targets and I need a decent period of training with the strength and core stuff included to see the benefits.

I went back this Saturday for my second PT session, he showed me more exercises focusing a lot on lunges. I happily did what he showed me, getting the arms wrong EVERY SINGLE TIME. And thought on the way home 'I feel a bit tired' I was supposed to be doing 14 miles at MP but I was just Knackered. So I decided to put it off till later. We travelled to Maidenhead for a party. The 50th birthday of my PhD supervisor who does know how to party. On his 40th I remember I was in Sicily as I was presenting the next day but was kept amused by everyone texting me from his party telling me what a fab time they were having and how drunk they were :-D anyway it was probably doing that presentation that gave me the confidence to be able to finish my PhD so it wasn't all bad.

Anyway, where was I? Oh yes we went to maidenhead and I decided to do one of next weeks sessions a 5 miler with 2m at 10k pace. So off I went, 1 mile easy, 1 mile at......oh fuck, what am I doing, I can't breathe, my legs are like lead, what am I doing? So I did 2 more easy miles and called it a day. Went to the party, was awesomely well behaved, but aware my legs felt really tired. We marched back to the hotel in a monsoon at midnight.

When I got up for the loo at about 4am I was more than surprised that my glute muscles had failed. I had to roll out of bed and hang on to the side of the bath to place myself on the toilet. I cannot remember the last time I had DOMs like that, I feel better after marathons!. I felt better after 10 marathons!!!

So yesterday I still didn't do the 14 miler, I did nothing, I was completely incapable. I watched the progress of those doing GUCR and the deca, oh and the Madrid triathlon. That was all energetic enough for me :)

Last week I did my first 5k in ages as my club are part of a series and I would really like to be a part of it this year. My time was 24.41. I am taking that as baseline and bearing in mind my 5k PB I have lots of room for improvement.

Shall I try again for the 14 today?

Seeing things more clearly.....

From a distance.

Someone said to me recently, you wait, once the 10 in 10 starts this year and a new bunch of people are doing it you will feel differently about it all.

I thought he was talking bollocks like normal but no, annoyingly he was right :-D

I didn't think I was going to follow this years group, I felt very ambivalent about the whole thing (I'll tell you a secret now, I have always felt guilty about it for not trying hard enough) but then seemingly couldn't help but to start reading the blogs.

I'm so glad I did. Finally I appreciate how hard it was and how much it takes out of you. I wasn't taking it easy, I was doing what I had to to get through. I was lucky in that I didn't get any major injuries like some people do, the ones that make you limp round in 8 hours but I got the cumulative niggles, the ones that made me stand at the top of the hill at mile 15/16? Thinking, this is a downhill, it really isn't fair that it's going to hurt so much going down it :-D I got the tiredness, the bone crushing weariness that had me in tears one morning in bed because I didn't think I could get out of it.

I also had 'life in the Brathay bubble' the support from your fellow runners and their families, the online support and the brilliant moments where your own supporters turn up and you relalise how lucky you are.

The realisation that it's not just yourself that you want to finish but everybody else who started the journey with you.

So yeah, thanks to the 2012 team, I I now appreciate it so much more:-) and I will be following til the end and taking as much pleasure in them finishing as I did when we did.

Before I fall to pieces......

Do you like Razorlight? I do. Love em. People say Johnny is too arrogant. Nothing wrong with a bit of swagger. Golden Touch is my fave.

Sorry, where was I? Oh yeah. Falling to pieces. Only slowly, but since April last year a definite decline.

VLM last year was 3.52.... I think that was the last race I did I was happy with.

That's in terms of performance, I was absofuckinglutely delighted to complete the 10 in 10, but let's be honest that was fun running there were no times being chased. I was also really happy to complete the 2 50 milers and I know I have more ultras in me but it was just complete. (I've just remembered the JW, yeah I was happy with that, but seriously I should be able to run it at 9mm)

Anyway, what's my point? Well, it's all very well being unhappy with my running and blaming this that and the other but that's not going to change anything. I'm the only one who can change it. So I will.

I need to go back to the start. I am taking advice. I need to work on flexibility (I have zero) and strength (um, I'm hoping I have a little of that) core strength (I do have some muscles under the fat bit but I don't know what they do) and running technique.

I need to cut my running right back ( which actually will mean minus miles if you see what I have done lately) and learn how to run properly.

I do know how to run, but only slowly for a long time and I need something different :)

I'm looking forward to it.

And apparently I do a good plank. I've always known that :-D

Now I'm supposed to be seeing a guy at virgin active gym tomorrow to look round, I need to think of an excuse because tbh I don't need to join a gym but I am so rubbish when sales people pressure me I will end up in a 5 yr contract. You have no idea of the difficulty I had cancelling a 3 contract that I had no way of even using cos I didn't have a 3 compatible phone!!!!

Um, yeah, that's it. There will be no events to blog for a while so I hope the training is interesting :-D

I've been good I have :)

In that I said I wasn't going to run for a while and I haven't (much).

So I've spent the last few weeks swimming and biking mainly and quite enjoying it. I will admit to timing those things with VLM last week. I wasn't that upset about not doing it, I'm not actually that keen on watching it. If I'm going to watch people running I much prefer it to be within my attention span. 100m is good :-D

Anyway, this weekend was swimathon yesterday, 5k. I must confess an hour before it started I tried to ring the pool to pull out. I'd had a bit of bad news that is best not shared on a blog, and had spent the day as I do when I get stressed. Headache, stomach ache and unable to eat :-/

No one picked up though, so I thought , fuck it! And went. The organiser was a really jolly jokey bloke and he must have wondered who died when I turned up! I wasn't at my most sparkling, but we got over it :D

I was in a lane with two others, both also doing the 5k but obviously swimming together. It was ok but they would breast stroke slower than me up the pool, then front crawl faster than me back down. I spent more time than I would like letting them pass me and then slowing down. However I decided that since my one training swim over 1k was 2k I should just chill out and take it as it came. I broke it down to 40,40, 40, 20,20,10,10,10,10. With a drink after each. I counted wrong a few times and always count back when I do that so it was a nice surprise when I asked at 10 to go how many left and they said 4 :) yay!!!!! I was tired at the end but not overly so and I felt I could have gone on. I think although I don't see it I am a better swimmer than when I started tri.

So fish and chips bought on way home...8.30pm by the time we left the pool, and tea and I went to bed at 10.30 with the alarm set for 6 so I could get up for a club tri.

Well, I woke at 1.30am or so cos the rain was so hard on the window, and once I was awake, that was it. I had things on my mind that would just not let me go back to sleep. I had tea, and read a bit and arsed on twitter until about 4 when a police helicopter started circling overhead. Great.

At this point I knew there would be no sleep and I couldn't do the tri. We still had to go though as Mr H was down to marshall, so I decided I'd Marshall with him. At 5 I started making lots of noise to wake him which is why he slept really well until 6.30 :-D how does he bloody do that?

Anyway I noted a number of events being cancelled and one tri being reduced to a swim run. Oooh I thought, I can't bike when I'm this tired and hungry, but surely I could do a swim run?

So I packed kit for just that and left my bike at home (I was advised by mr h that me on the bike in this weather was not something he would entertain) the drive down to ongar was a bit hairy with various roads flooded, but when we got there I got just the news I wanted, it was swim run. Yes!!!

So the swim was 20 lengths which was ok apart from getting out at the deepend. I always like to demonstrate just how much strength I don't have in my arms and then roll myself onto the tiles like a whale. Then a very fumbled transition at poolside and out for what was pretty much an open water 7.5k. Roads were flooded right across so nothing you could do but splash right through, was actually quite fun.

The plan was not let the guy just behind me pass, and catch up 2 ladies I could see in the distance (i was 2nd slowest swimmer in my wave :-/)

The guy didn't catch me, I caught one lady a mile from home, and I almost had the other one on the finish turn but she heard me and gave a kick I couldn't catch. Not unhappy with the run overall.

Spoke to a girl about buying my tri and run bike after. Hopefully that will be sorted soon, and chatted to other club members over a cup of tea. Next tri is 2 weeks but I am definitely down to Marshall that one so I intend to cycle there and back.

I've been really lazy since, waiting for reports from marathons and kipping a bit :))

Think that's it.
Seems funny not saying ooh I ran a marathon. Nice funny though.

This blog

Is empty.

I expect there will be more in it next week.

You fit me better.....

Than my favourite sweater :-D

Now that's not quite true because the handlebars are a bit too far forward so tri bars would be too far of a stretch, but nonetheless I feel at home on this.

I can't remember if it was Jan 2006 or 2007 that I bought my bike. I do remember it sat looking at me in the hall for some months before I got the courage up to actually ride it. With foot cage things on the pedals, which I hated. Getting your foot in was a complete lottery as they would swing downwards as soon as you removed your foot. That was if you remembered to. I can remember a nasty trying to cut myself in half incident whilst cycling round Hainault park in the early days :-/

So I got clipless pretty quick and gave Mr H the best laugh ever on the day I taught myself to use them. But I learnt pretty quick and haven't had THAT many failing to unclip incidents :)

The first tri it was going to be used at was the tri sport try a tri. Until I broke the valve off the inner tube the morning of the race and didn't have a spare or tbh a pump that would work on it or any idea how to do it. That's how much I knew :-/ I did that one on my hybrid.

So it's first real outing was stratford tri. I'd had a computer fitted the week before which helpfully flew off as I was going down the dual carriageway :-D I decided stopping would not be a good idea.

Since then we've done lots of sprints, a couple of Olympic distances, 3 half IMs and 2 IMs. We've done a few sportives including the one where we crashed into a parked car :-/ and countless training miles.

This week we started going out together again.

And you know what. I love it :)

That's a really long way to say I'm not running, but I've not stopped. Oh no.

My head says.....

Enough is enough.

Please don't think this is a miserable blog, it's far from it.

This is a blog where I finally admit that things aren't right and I tell you what I'm going to do about it.

Now regular readers will realise I haven't been running well for a while. My legs have been tired for ages. That's ok though, you can get through that.

In feb I ran the Nat XC and loved it. Now obv I wasnt the fastest but I ran as hard as I was able on the day. All good so far. The thing that I don't think I have said to anybody is how sore my right knee was after.

It hurts going upstairs, it hurts going downstairs and if I accidentally heel strike whilst running it can stop me in my tracks. Running on my forefoot is essential. That's good running form isn't it? Well yes, but I suspect putting your heel on the floor isn't supposed to make you feel like your knee is going to explode.

Ok, so that's the knee. Bit boring really and as far as non runners are concerned its FINE. If anyone wants to tell me how running ruins your knees I will punch them.

It would be alright if that was all. But I think I have changed my running style to accommodate this and as a result have damaged my left achilles. It's starting to hurt all the time. And it's so bloody stiff.

Solution? A complete break from running. We will start with 2 weeks and see how that goes. I will swim, and cycle, and tbh the prospect of 2 weeks without worrying that I will not be able to complete a run will be a relief.

Gosh, I feel like an alcoholic who has finally admitted she has a problem :-D

The letter to VLM goes tomorrow.

I've already been swimming more than usual and my bike is begging me to ride it.

It will all be good.

:-)

Bipolar......

That's what I am about running at the moment.

One day I love it, let's say Friday, meeting up with friends and doing a completely new route to me.

One day I'm excited by it (bear with me) lets say Saturday when I decide to push it a bit and end with a sub 8 mile.(I've still got it mate).

One day I hate it, let's say today when I have 20 on my plan. I wake up feeling neutral about it, I've run 20 on my own lots of times, I know how to do it. But then I start. And my knee hurts, and my Achilles is beyond stiff. My bum hurts too. I can deal with all of these cos it's always like that now, but when at 4 miles my shin starts to hurt I think FUCK THIS STUPID RUNNING SHIT and run home.

On the way I'm thinking, I wish I'd never seen RW, or Fetch or heard of the 10 in 10 or any of the people who think running marathons is fun and that running a half isn't worth it and counting up til they can say they have run 100 and ooh did you only run 1 this weekend? I ran a double and then an ultra while I was asleep....

And breathe.

It made me think that VLM is not a good place for me to go to. So many people so happy to be running the event and me ungrateful because I know I won't do myself justice. And the only person that is important to is me. I know this.

So that's another one off the list and maybe it is a relief. I think Mr H wants to go support but I don't. Probably that makes me seem bad but if I go I will be miserable not to be doing it, and I do my utmost to try not to make myself miserable, it's really not worth the bother :-D

Anyway years ago I watched some bbc programme about psychiatrists and one of them was bi polar, he spent most of his time getting wrecked, taking drugs and shagging random strangers. Looked like good fun to me*

I have swum 2k since binning my run as I don't seem to have cancelled the 5 k swimathon in 3 weeks.

You can expect a massive swimming related strop anytime :)))))

*Obv mental illness isn't funny, but if you're going to have one you may as well have one that makes you a right laugh 50% of the time.