Bipolar......

That's what I am about running at the moment.

One day I love it, let's say Friday, meeting up with friends and doing a completely new route to me.

One day I'm excited by it (bear with me) lets say Saturday when I decide to push it a bit and end with a sub 8 mile.(I've still got it mate).

One day I hate it, let's say today when I have 20 on my plan. I wake up feeling neutral about it, I've run 20 on my own lots of times, I know how to do it. But then I start. And my knee hurts, and my Achilles is beyond stiff. My bum hurts too. I can deal with all of these cos it's always like that now, but when at 4 miles my shin starts to hurt I think FUCK THIS STUPID RUNNING SHIT and run home.

On the way I'm thinking, I wish I'd never seen RW, or Fetch or heard of the 10 in 10 or any of the people who think running marathons is fun and that running a half isn't worth it and counting up til they can say they have run 100 and ooh did you only run 1 this weekend? I ran a double and then an ultra while I was asleep....

And breathe.

It made me think that VLM is not a good place for me to go to. So many people so happy to be running the event and me ungrateful because I know I won't do myself justice. And the only person that is important to is me. I know this.

So that's another one off the list and maybe it is a relief. I think Mr H wants to go support but I don't. Probably that makes me seem bad but if I go I will be miserable not to be doing it, and I do my utmost to try not to make myself miserable, it's really not worth the bother :-D

Anyway years ago I watched some bbc programme about psychiatrists and one of them was bi polar, he spent most of his time getting wrecked, taking drugs and shagging random strangers. Looked like good fun to me*

I have swum 2k since binning my run as I don't seem to have cancelled the 5 k swimathon in 3 weeks.

You can expect a massive swimming related strop anytime :)))))

*Obv mental illness isn't funny, but if you're going to have one you may as well have one that makes you a right laugh 50% of the time.