It's not just physical

Everything has been going well lately. Got a new job, been running like a dream, making plans and stuff.

Good yeah.

Sometimes my head just stops working properly. I saw something on tv this week, something quite innocuous really. But it set something buzzing in my head, making me think too much, making me remember a time I don't want to. A time when I felt like the cause of everything that was wrong and that I really wasn't wanted. I knew I wasn't, I was told it often enough.

As an adult I can see that it wasn't my fault. But that doesn't change the way I felt, or the way that those feelings can quite unexpectedly come back to haunt me, making me feel small, frightened and completely lacking in confidence.

So yep I do have a headache, I don't have any appetite but really I can't race because I don't want to see anyone, I don't want to stand on a crowded startline. If someone brushes past me I could easily shatter like glass.

So I will stay at home, do some things to make me calm again, run hopefully,with some music so I can be in my own world and make sure I put myself back together properly for tomorrow.

Not my usual Sunday blog. It won't get tweeted, I'm not ashamed that I feel this way, I'm a bit annoyed that I can still be affected by stuff, but thankful that as someone in my 40s I have much better ways of dealing with things than I did in my 20s. Which is just as well cos I'd be dead by now if I didn't :-D

Inappropriate smiley? It is still me :)

Now next week I must do billericay 10k otherwise I won't get the club championship for v35. And I reckon parkrun missed me this week.