And she gave away the secrets of her past and said

I've lost control again.

She used to feel like that all the time. Now it's only occasional. Like a big hole inside that nothing fills. Got to keep on doing. Working, running, swimming gymming, thinking, sleeping. Drinking.

Dunno who she is :-)

Work has been good. Massive learning curve I'm still climbing up, hopefully can let go and slide down the other side soon. Got a meeting sorted that's bugged me for ages, and got on a course I really really want to do. Good.

Running? Um ok. Got my planned sessions done last week, plus swim and bootcamp.

Tail runned at parkrun for my 50th on Saturday. Didn't enjoy it really. The last woman really really didn't want me behind her but really didn't want to run either. I think if she hadn't been quite a nice older lady she might well have told me to fuck off :-D Still I did it and was quite cheerful about it.

Yesterday was a 10k that I entered knowing there would be virtually no one from my club there. Nothing personal I just like doing stuff on my own at times (let's be honest it's most of the time). Was advertised as flat but it wasn't! However it wasn't a bad course, but a little lonely because there were not that many in it. Lots of good runners though! I was 10th lady with 44.33. My second best time for the distance and I'm ok with it as it was May when I did 2 seconds less for my PB. I don't do many 10ks so good to know I haven't lost it. Still more to get out of myself I know that.

Today was BRRs club race and race 6 in the ELVIS series. 5k on the parkrun course.

We had just enough runners out for a team of men and ladies. I was there to be First Ladies scorer, no need to pretend is there. Felt ok after yesterday, calfs a bit stiff so wore calf guards.

Set off waaaaay too fast couldn't help it. First mile in 6.25. I'm not maintaining that at present and during mile 2 I knew it. I didn't feel bad I just sort of drifted off. Had to keep reminding myself I was racing! Still I finished in 21.32. An ok time I guess and not sure where in ladies field, 6th maybe 7th?

Hung around a bit chatting to people which was pleasant then came home to do home stuff. Been a bit out of sorts really. I know why. I don't need to tell anyone because in the morning when I get my head into all the work I have to do it won't matter anymore.

Simple really.

Next week, transport permitting its OW and a tri.